Saturday, 28 June 2008
Wednesday, 25 June 2008
Monday, 16 June 2008
Firstly, I would just like to apologise for my absence from the blogging world over the past few days. I've been forced into practising my word processing skills, so that I can apply for a job, which I need, but don't want. It's a hard life, sometimes, isn't it?
Tuesday, 10 June 2008
I was halfway through my hurried preparations, however, when my student son rang to ask if we would be able to pick him up from the railway station, as he wanted to come home for the weekend. He was unable to get a direct train to the station closest to us, due to the late hour, so, 'to cut a long story short', the resulting journey, to a city we hadn't visited for years, took 3 hours out of my busy schedule!
I scheduled my party blog to publish at 6am on 7th June, but I was incredibly irritated, when I found out, a while later, that the post hadn't published, at all, and, in spite of my best efforts, I couldn't persuade it to do so. I didn't discover that it had finally published itself, until I published a second post, so I deleted the first one, in disgust! I don't understand what went wrong. The computer clock showed the correct time and agreed with the settings time in my blog. I set the publishing time correctly in my post. A third time setting must have controlled the situation from somewhere.
Another irritating thing I found, as usual, was that my spacing had disappeared, between paragraphs, after inserting the pictures. The spacing always appears perfectly in edit mode, but as soon as I publish the post, the spacing disappears. No amount of re-editing makes any difference. The final annoying thing was that, when I published the first 3 comments, mob's comment disappeared into cyberspace. I assume that this was because it had been attached to the first blog, which I had deleted! Anyway, enough moaning!
All other aspects of my birthday were great. I had lovely cards, telephone calls, presents and some very welcome cash. I went out for a very enjoyable meal, with my family, in the evening and, as those of you who were able to attend, already know, my virtual birthday party was an extremely lively event.
Frog brought along some wonderful food and delightful party bags, which she sells on her own website, incidentally. She drank far too much shandy, however, partly due to her uncontrollable excitement and partly due to some encouragement from milla, which resulted in a nasty attack of hiccoughs. Maggie may sent everyone sprawling, in her eagerness to reach the party food, but presented me with the cutest rat-in-a-box, for my birthday! The rat has made itself at home in my second best hat and, no doubt, we will soon be hearing the patter of tiny feet.
Blogthatmama beat off all defenders and managed to eat the whole of the pineapple from the top of the party jelly. I noticed, as she left the party, that she was carrying a hat which looked remarkably similar, to my own best hat. I was very pleased to receive a visit from lehners in france (Debs), but I noticed that she was also wearing a hat when she left, which she hadn't been wearing on her arrival.
Bollinger byrd proved to be a woman after my own heart, who loved to play with boys' toys and boys. I don't know which one of us was least contained, as we waited to play Spin the Bottle! Liz bought me a great birthday present, apparently, but it was so good that she took it home again, along with my prospective gardener, and I haven't caught sight of either of them since. I had no idea that he was a doctor and that she was a nurse, until she mentioned it, of course.
Working mum had a terrible reaction to the spam sandwiches. If she'd been born into a working class family, in the 50s, she would have been much more accomplished in the art of keeping them down, of course. A mother's place is in the wrong sang 'Happy Birthday' very tunefully and turned out to be a 'wow', when it came to jiving. She certainly doesn't need any lessons in putting jelly away, either!
Mob bought me a nice hula hoop and dealt expertly with the rude young lad, who pulled away her chair, as she was about to sit down, whilst we were playing Musical Chairs. We all admired her frilly knickers and we are hoping to buy the same style for ourselves from M&S, or was it Anne Summers? I couldn't help but notice that mob was sporting a new hat, on her departure. It bore a remarkable resemblance to my own. I did hear that there had been some sort of altercation between mob and Debs. It was something to do with a hat and mob getting jelly in her hair. Hmmm...... Wonder what that was all about?
Milla bought me a nice present. It was a remarkably familiar jewellery roll, wrapped in remarkably familiar birthday paper and she simply refused to remind me of the date of her next birthday, oddly enough. Rose tagged along with Liz and I was very pleased to see her, in spite of the din she made with her creaky knees. She had recently enjoyed an un-birthday, which could be a very interesting concept, I thought. After the age of say, 55, we could start subtracting a year, instead of adding one.
Auntiegwen bought me St Trinians DVDs for my birthday, which pleased me immensely, as Joyce Grenfell, an idol of mine, appeared in the original St Trinians films. Nora observed that none of the bloggers had behaved particularly well, during the party, which they didn't, of course, but they were extremely entertaining and certainly made the occasion memorable! Nora suggested frying up spam, in butter, to make it more enjoyable. If only my mother had known about that idea in the 50s.!
Robin brought along a little whine to the party. There was plenty of wine for everyone, but I was forced to run all the way to Tesco Express and back, to buy some ice cream to accompany her cake! I was very pleased when edward decided to come along to my party. He bought me some lovely candles, but, unfortunately, there weren't enough to put on my cake, even though he had found it necessary to hire a trailer to transport them.
I think I can safely say that aims was easily the most excited out of everyone. She was totally confused by Pin the Tail on the Donkey and I still don't know where she found the donkey. I haven't heard of anyone complaining of a missing donkey, around here, so far. I'm still cleaning up bits of cake, which she spread around everywhere, but at least she enjoyed herself. That's the main thing.
I was very relieved, in the end, that grit gave me perfume sludge for my birthday. It was definitely preferable to the funeral wreath, which is her other speciality, apparently. I didn't have to bother clearing away any of the leftover food, as she took most of it with her. She's certainly not backward in coming forward, as my mother often observes of people. Misskris startled me considerably, by turning up several hours early for the party. It's very easy to forget that some bloggers may be in different time zones. I was very pleased that she remembered to call back, however, and bring a birthday hug.
Suburbia arrived a little late and cheerfully polished off the remaining food. She helped me to eat the yummy chocolates which she had bought for ME, but we never found out who had taken her party bag, I'm afraid. Merry weather was too late for any food. She also bought some lovely chocolates with her and we partied, together, until the Hell's Angels turned up. I'm saving the story of what we got up to with the Hell's Angels for another time.
I was very pleased when mignon called in. She indulged in her favourite pastime of chasing the boys, but I'm relieved to say that, on this occasion, she only lost her sunglasses. Debra overdid it with the babychams and I'm still trying to get the stain out of the carpet. She very astutely realised that I must have been an Enid Blyton fan, in my youth, and bought me a set of Mallory Towers books for my birthday. I can't imagine what gave her the impression that I might still be an escapist!
Scrappysue was kind enough to call in and I'm pleased to report that she very much enjoyed herself, along with the party food, games and music. Wakeupandsmellthecoffee was too late for the party this year, unfortunately, but is determined to be in time for the next one. I'll have to make sure that she is. I am relieved to be able to say that frog kindly offered to email virtual party bags to maggie may and suburbia, after theirs mysteriously went missing.
Now.......... The only thing left to discuss seems to be the disappearance of my best hat. Do you remember some years ago, when the odd garden gnome would suddenly go missing from someones front garden and then send postcards to the house owners from all over the world? I have received the following postcards from my hat:
Dear Mean Mom
Having a great time, here in the UK. Enjoying good weather and great food. See you soon.
Dear Mean Mom
Having a great time, here in France. Saw the Eiffel Tower, today and the weather's great. Eating lots of scrummy jelly.
Dear Mean Mom
Having a great, relaxing time at this wonderful spa. May be home soon, though, because the money is running out!
Thanks, once more, to everyone, who came along to my virtual party. I hope that I haven't offended anyone with this post. It certainly wasn't my intention! The commenting, on the party blog, outshone the post, as usual. but I don't mind in the least, being a showcase for your imaginative and inspired remarks. Any strangers calling by, who haven't a clue what's going on here, should see the previous post, the post entitled '1950s Virtual Birthday Party' and READ THE COMMENTS associated with both. I should warn you, however, that you may remain in a confused condition.
Here's to the next party! Please excuse me, now, whilst I go in search of a darkened room! I may be gone for some time!
Monday, 9 June 2008
Saturday, 7 June 2008
Now, we've got jam, salmon and spam sandwiches and cheese straws. Then, there's biscuits, cake, jelly and blancmange. There's Corona and Tizer pop to drink. What about your teeth? Oh, I see. Well, we didn't bother about teeth in the 50s. did we? We either had them filled, or we had them removed.
Tuesday, 3 June 2008
Do I have your attention, by any chance?
I was a careful and cautious blogger when I first set up my site. I was inspired, by Wife in the North, as many of us were, when I read an article about her, in a magazine. I loved essay writing, as a youngster (This explains why most of my posts are so long, then!) and decided that writing again, on a blog, might be rewarding and fun.
I searched through loads of sites, looking for some blogging friends. I found plenty of abandoned sites, a few others which had been filled up with spam, a lot which didn't seem to want visitors, and some, with so many buttons and bells, that I could hardly find the content. Whilst searching for some 'down to earth' bloggers, that I could have a laugh with, it is true to say that I came across quite a few bloggers with their heads firmly stuck up their own arses. I avoided them. It was bad enough, sometimes, being forced to deal with them in the course of my ordinary life, without seeking them out on the Internet!
Eventually, I found a few people through Wife in the North's blogroll and comments. I remained cautious, however. I wanted to try and avoid problems, if possible. I made sure that my comments were monitored, and that no-one had the opportunity to fill up my site with spam. I didn't venture very far, from my little corner.
After an enforced break, of a few months, due to illness and Christmas preparations, I resumed posting and became a little bit braver. I linked to a few more people and commented on a few more sites. You could say that I 'put myself about a little bit more'! The traffic, on my site, increased a little and I began to take some interest in Site Meter, which I had installed, not long after starting my blog. I soon discovered that the searches were the most interesting section of the stats! I was amazed to discover what people searched for on the Internet. I was also amazed, sometimes, that Google, or whatever search engine, threw up my site as being relevant! I could see, however, that the reason why my site appeared on so many questionable searches, was due to the 'middle-aged mom' portion of the title. Who would have thought it? Not me, that's for sure!
I wish, now, that I had kept a record of all of the funny searches, which appeared on my Site Meter, but, unfortunately, I didn't, so I can only share a few of the most recent ones with you. I suppose I should say, at this point, that anyone who has visited my site, due to a questionable search, should not panic. I can't trace you and wouldn't wish to, to be honest! The following searches have been listed on my Site Meter, over the past few weeks:
- moms open wide
- hot over-aged moms
- middle aged hot mommies
- middle age women photos rough (My site was on page 2, of that one. I can't be that rough, then.)
The most common search I've found, routinely, has been for 'aged mom', which may not be particularly remarkable, in itself, but I've found it in various languages, which has baffled me, to a certain extent. I've found this particular search on Google in French, Spanish, Japanese, some sort of Arabic language and 2 languages, which I couldn't even recognise. Whenever I see the page for 'aged mom' appear, I try very hard not to look at the description of the first site on the page, even though my eyes are oddly drawn towards it! It's a bit of a shocker and I keep my cursor well away from it, just in case! If you are of a sensitive nature, I don't think you should look, at all, to be honest! If you are curious, search Google for 'aged mom'. It should be a web search, as opposed to a UK search. No clicking on that first site and don't forget to come back! Bad bloggers!
Some other searches have appeared on Site Meter, where I couldn't see my site mentioned, so I can only assume that it was mentioned several pages further on. These have included:
- aged big moms
- I have a crush on a patient's mother
- mommy beach pee blog
- middle aged hot and wet
- naked, middle-aged females
All I can say, is that I must have had more disappointed visitors than I could ever have anticipated!
I once found my entire blog, translated into French, using Google Translate, I assumed. I only studied French for about 18 months, so I've no idea how close a translation it was. The title was Moody Moyenne D'Age Moyen Maman. Maybe my posts made more sense in French!
I also found a search from blogged.com and bloguzz.com, which turned out to be a Spanish site, with a section of English blogs. Each blog had a rated page and a graph, but it meant nothing to me, because I couldn't understand it! I was slightly disturbed, however, to find that the post featured on my index page was the one entitled My Best Side, which showed a photo' of me, bending over in the garden. Oh, dear! The careful and cautious blogger, who was under the impression that she was, somewhat quietly, blogging away in her little corner, suddenly became aware that pictures of her bottom could well be appearing all over the world. Hmmm .......
It's all my own fault, of course, and I don't really mind sharing my best backside photo' with the rest of the world. After all, it's a comical one, not a pornographic one, and I don't think that anyone would ever recognise me, from that angle! They wouldn't would they?
Anyway, how about you? Do you have Site Meter, or anything similar? Have you found any searches, which made you laugh, or gasp with horror? I would love to know!