I'm free, at last, and it's all thanks to you lot!
On hearing of my plight, as detailed in my last post, debra in france felt so sorry for me, that she kindly decided to instigate a rescue mission, as I languished helplessly in the Tower. It began with jules sending me a cake, containing a saw and a tiara. The cake was extremely tasty and I felt that the tiara was most becoming, having been designed by wakeupandsmellthecoffee, and spelling out the words 'Queen of Bloggers' in sparkling diamonds, or was it diamante?
Last night, after several weeks of working with the saw, I finally succeeded in sawing through the bars of my cell. I donned my tiara, so that, at first glance, I would appear rather regal and slipped past the guards, whilst they were busy sharing out the money, which rose had collected from you lot, in the vain hope that I would be granted bail. I quickly headed for the library, where dusty spider had assured me I would find a means of escape. Following her instructions, closely, I quickly located the book she mentioned by Buster Gut. Sure enough, as I twisted the book around, a secret door revealed itself and I found myself in a dark, dank tunnel. Feeling my way through the tunnel, whilst brushing spiders from my hair, I recalled dusty spider's warning, and narrowly avoided a couple of booby traps.
On emerging into the grounds, I bashed the first guard over the head, with my royal handbag, as suggested by suburbia, and headed for the gates. I soon spotted a second guard, but he was cunningly distracted by fire byrd (formerly known as bollinger byrd) falling over a couple of the royal corgis, whilst I ran behind him. I was able to slip past a third guard, as working mum presented him with a petition for my release.
The mother of this lot, having taken up her position knitting, under the pretence of awaiting my execution, strolled up to a fourth guard and used her powers of persuasion (honed by many years of living with the father of this lot) to talk him into allowing me to pass. A further 2 guards grabbed me, as I sped past them, but they were quickly frightened off by scrappy sue's shouts of 'Unhand her, you officious guards!' I finally ran through the gates just as my knight in shining armour, sent by aims, galloped into view.
A small pantomime followed as I tried to mount the horse. They're rather large, close to, aren't they? I'd never ridden a horse, before, of course. The only one I ever came across in the heart of the west midlands, where I spent the first 3 decades of my life, was the one who pulled the milkman's cart. Anyway, back to the plot!
Eventually, the knight in shining armour clambered down from his lofty position and gave me a bit of a 'bunk up'. This was a bit of a thrill, after my long, lonely weeks of incarceration. After a jolly exciting ride (tee hee!), I finally spotted my loyal and faithful friend, dusty spider, waiting for me, on the river, in her boat. She waved and beckoned me to hurry, but, suddenly, the knight lost control of his horse, who reared up, throwing me to the ground. The horse galloped away, with the knight clinging to his neck, as I lay, too exhausted and weak to move.
I became dimly aware of a figure, by the side of me, helping me to my feet. To my relief, I saw that it was robin. Her dogged determination had finally paid off. After several weeks of trying, she had at last succeeded, in obtaining a passport, booking a flight and finding a sitter for her children, so that she could help out with my rescue! Robin supported me, as I limped the last few yards to the boat. I stumbled aboard, as dusty spider started the engine and, with a quick wave to robin, we were finally heading for home. As dusty expertly steered the boat down the river, she explained to me that softinthehead had sent her apologies, because, in spite of a valiant effort, she had been unable to arrive in time to help with my rescue. I frowned, in a rather puzzled fashion, as I stared into the distance and spotted my knight in shining armour, riding into the sunset. He had resumed control of his horse and he appeared to have gained a female passenger, who was clinging to him rather too tightly, I thought. She reminded me of someone. Hmmm...
In no time at all, I was home and safe. A mother's place is in the wrong had led you all in prayers for my safe-keeping. They had been answered. I had kept my head and what's more, I was home in time to decorate the hall, stairs and landing before the winter set in. Hurrah!!
Since my return, I've been dabbling on Ebay, as suggested by suburbia. Anybody want to buy a tiara? It's got real diamonds - honest!
Any strangers visiting my site, should read the previous post and the comments associated with it, if they would like to gain a little insight into why and how the above post was constructed. I should warn them that the reason why, may still prove rather puzzling, however!
In which I am almost perfect
2 days ago