Wednesday, 9 April 2008


I'm not usually a party animal, but I so enjoyed the virtual tea party, which I hosted last Sunday, that I am already thinking about what sort of virtual party to organise next.

Firstly, though, I would like to thank all of those guests who came to my last virtual party and entered into the spirit of it all so whole-heartedly. You were so entertaining and your comments were inspired!

Now, I would like to have a discussion with you about what sort of virtual party we should have, next time.

How about a Tupperware party? What? Why are you all groaning? The last one I went to, about 20 years ago, was most enjoyable. The demonstrator made a rice ring, which tasted delicious. We all bought one of the circular plastic moulds which she used to shape it and I sold mine, still unused, on a well-known auction site, only last week, for £0.99p plus p&p. Between us, at the party, we bought enough Tupperware for the hostess to earn her reward, which consisted of a collection of storage containers, 3 plastic beakers with lids, a spaghetti container and half a dozen ice lolly moulds.

At the end of the party, the demonstrator lunged at one of the guests, held her in a head lock, and pulled out her toe nails one by one, until she reluctantly agreed to book up a party of her own the following month. Awesome! Job done!

Oh, is that right? You can't buy Tupperware through party plan, now? That's a bit of a disappointment.

Right! How about a cheese and wine party, then? Traditional, but still quite popular, I believe. Sorry? That sounds good, but you don't fancy the cheese? Okay, a cheese and wine party, without the cheese. That's one possibility, then!

What do you think about a toga party? They are quite fashionable, with students, at the moment. We would have to dress up in Greek-style robes, wear holly on our heads and get very drunk, apparently. Right, so that sounds great, but you can't be bothered with the Greek-style robes or the holly? Well, it wouldn't be a toga party, then, would it? It would just be a party, where we all get very drunk! Oh, I see what you mean. Yes, okay, that's another possibility.

What about a tarts and vicars party? Hmmm! You're right. I don't have any potential vicars visiting my site. We could still dress up as tarts, though, right? Yay! That's another possibility, then.

How does everyone feel about a swingers party? No, you're right. Let's not go there.!

How about a pyjama party, then? What? Do none of you wear pyjamas? Okay, better not go there, either.

Perhaps we should consider something more modern. How about a rave? There is a green at the side of my house, which would probably be big enough for us. Most of us are taking tablets of some sort, already, so we wouldn't have to concern ourselves with that side of things. I quite like the thought of the party being outside, because, then, there wouldn't be any mess in the house, but what about the music? I don't think that electronic dance music would be suitable for us, so what shall we go for? I'm sorry? What did you say? Party music? Like what, exactly? Things like La Bamba, YMCA, Agadoo and Lambada? You can't be serious! You are? Yes, okay, sounds great!

Should we announce it on someone's social networking site, to make sure we get plenty of guests? Brilliant! I don't want any damage to my house, though. You know that there's often thousands of pounds worth of damage caused, at the venue, when a party is announced on the internet. We'll move into someone else's house, when it gets too cold, on the green? Awesome idea! I do have a neighbour of whom I'm not overly fond.

Now, what shall we do about food? Shall I do some sausage rolls and crisps? No, you'd rather put the money towards more alcohol? Okay, then, agreed!

It would be helpful if you could each make a voluntary contribution towards the cost of the alcohol. Please send a virtual postal order, for as much money as you can spare, to my virtual address. Alternatively, please send your virtual bank details, not forgetting your virtual pin number, to my virtual email address and I will virtually help myself to anything I need.

I think that's just about sorted, then. Please let me know if you have any queries, or requests. Your virtual invitation is below.

LOCATION: The green at the side of my house
and afterwards in the cells of the local police station
TIME: A virtual evening at the virtual weekend
FROM: Mean Mom
Police transport will be provided between venues
NB This blog is tongue in cheek. I do not condone the taking of illegal drugs, the mixing of alcohol and drugs (illegal or otherwise), and I do not personally support rave culture. In fact, in real life, I am no fun, whatsoever.


softinthehead said...

I was voting for the pyjama party, I thought that's what we all wore while blogged into the early hours anyway, plenty of wine, cheese and pineapple on sticks and Come On Eileen on the turntable, I'm in!!

the mother of this lot said...

Shall I bring the Football Fanatic's ipod dock so we can pretend we're in Ibiza? And I think there's some Prozac somewhere......

Mean Mom said...

softinthehead - Yes, a pyjama party could be fun! I have a few buttons missing from mine, though, so I would have to do a bit of sewing, first.

the mother of this lot - Sounds great! Our imaginations know no bounds, as we seem to prove over and over again. We'll have no problem at all pretending we're in Ibiza. Bring all of the tablets you can lay your hands on. Let's show those teenagers how to have a good time!

Grit said...

i hope to gatecrash this one. i've never gatecrashed anything before, so this could be quite an exciting night out. i hope i get the right field. and the right time. otherwise i'll be wandering around a field looking like a vagrant again. and i will definitely bring some aspirin.

Mean Mom said...

grit - Gatecrashing does sound exciting! Make sure you get on that police mini bus along with the rest of us, or you will miss the end of the party.

Maggie May said...

I'm packing my most tarty outfit & am on my way! Meet you on the green then!
BTW can I bring my rowdiest friends? they just make a lot of noise but are perfectly harmless.Oh, & I'll have to bring the kids, but you'll hardly know they're here. We'll bring camping stuff, only one or two tents & you don't mind if we do some cooking by the side of the house?
What! you've gone off the idea? But I'm on my way now ...........!!!!!

Mean Mom said...

maggie may - Excellent, this is what we want! Noisy friends? Wonderful! Let's be as rowdy as possible.

Sorry, I got cold feet for a minute, there. Of course you can bring the kids and camping stuff and do a bit of cooking. Could you bring some Quorn stuff for the veggies? This is going to be great!

aims said...

Dammit!! Tarty attire? Quick! Where can I get some? What on earth does it look like?? I don't want to be out shopping for this stuff and be late - so could someone let me know where I could get it?

Dusty Spider said...

I'll be there and here's a fiver towards the sausage rolls/wine/more wine whatever. Better still how about a BBQ then we could all bring our own bits to put on the Barby! What, you don't like other peoples bits on your barby?? Can't say I blame you, just a thought anyway. Flick xx

Mean Mom said...

aims - Oh,come now. You don't fool me. How about that lockable drawer in your bedroom? Did you think it was a secret?

dusty spider - Thanks for the cash. You certainly have a thing about barbys. It's obvious you've never been to one at my house. Most things are black, chewy and unrecognisable. I'm a bit unsure about other people's bits on my barby, to be honest. It sounds quite unsavoury. How about if I buy a few bits for the barby and you can be in charge of cooking?

Working mum said...

I'll see if I can get a virtual babysitter :)

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

I'm virtually on my way - have you got the virtual weather forecast for the weekend? I'm splashing out on a new pair of virtual wellies just in case in turns into a Music Festival sort of thing. M xx

Mean Mom said...

working mum - Good idea! Hope you can make it!

a mother's place - I hadn't thought about the weather, to be honest, but wellies would be a good idea. The ground is quite wet at the moment. Will wellies go alright with your tarty outfit?

the mother of this lot said...

I forgot to ask, will it be this weekend? United are playing Arsenal on Sunday, so I'll have to look sharp.

Come and get an award while you're having a think.

Mean Mom said...

the mother of this lot - Thrilled with the award. Thanks!

Party is this weekend, but this is cyberspace, you can be in 2 places at once, if you need to be. Some people are camping, apparently, so it may go on all weekend. Call in whenever it suits you.

At this point I realise how insane I must appear, giggling all by myself at the computer, again. Fortunately, everyone else has gone to bed, and I think I'd better do the same.

It's just sunk in. He's staying the night?? I don't know the full history of what's gone on at your place. I'd better come over tomorrow and try to catch up.

Jules said...

Ooooo.......... a virtual party! I LOVE virtual parties! I, as usual, am virtually late. Can I still come? Please? Please?

I'll bring the *C*H*O*C*O*L*A*T*E* and..... can I bring some manly-man eye candy too? I'll share.

And a tent, and a microwave, and a few friends, and some really lovely wine, and a few chairs. Oh.... and perhaps an umbrella or two? And donuts to corrupt.....uh.... placate the upstanding officers of the law?

And tell Aims I have virtually TONS of tarty attire. She can have her pick- colour, size, style (tarty or extra especially tart-like). Just let me know and I'll pack it along - um - virtually as we speak.

Maggie May said...

Put on your best gear & come over to my place to pick up an award!

Mean Mom said...

Please do come to the virtual party! Especially as you are bringing wine, chocolate, donuts and men. Please note that the previous list is in order of importance. If you don't have enough space for the men, leave them behind. We can always pick up a few locally, particularly, if we are in our tarty attire. No doubt they will be like moths around a naked flame!

You are very welcome to camp etc.

I will pass on your message to your aims. We must keep an eye on her, at the party. I fear that she may be a little naive.

Mean Mom said...

jules - Sorry, forgot to address my previous comment to you. I'm sure you can recognise it, though. Hope the weather cheers up for the weekend. It's pouring down here, at the moment.

maggie may - That's a great award! Thanks a lot!

Milla said...

It's my first time here - treat me gently. Was blog hopping from Mother of this Lot and looking at sites of fellow awardees (the dizzy fame!). Bet you I'm far meaner than you - but I do LOVE your mum's garden. gorgeous. (Or, as I wrote first, grogouse)

Dusty Spider said...

Ok Ok I'll do the cooking. If it's going to be a weekend thing I'll bring the caravan. I'll need some help putting the awning up though, you about early Saturday morning? Flick x

Mean Mom said...

milla - You are so welcome. I just can't keep up with these awards and there isn't enough time to catch up with all of the blogs I feel that I am missing out on. I shall just have to go without sleep, I think! According to my lads, even though they are now grown up, no mom is/was meaner than me. They don't know they're born nowadays, do they??

My garden isn't looking too grogouse at the moment, unfortunately, but I have finally managed to get out there and tidy it up. I need to do a lot more, but it was so wet, windy and cold today. Thanks for stopping by.

Mean Mom said...

dusty spider - I will make a big effort to be about early, tomorrow, as you have agreed to do the cooking. I have to warn you that I am rather grumpy first thing in a morning and am generally incoherent until midday. I've just never grown out of the teenage thing, somehow!

Jules said...

So how early is EARLY? 10:00, 11:00. I'm going to avoid you until then, obviously.
But you can look for me. I'll be the one trailing the wine and chocolates. The police will be hounding my heels, begging for dohnuts. And my minions will be out searching for some Hotties.
Sorry, in advance, about the crowds. I'll try to keep them under control.
So do I still need to bring umbrellas?

Mean Mom said...

Jules - Hi, sorry I didn't manage to get up early, after all! I've spotted you out of the window. I'm waving. Thanks for helping dusty spider with her awning. I'll be out in a few minutes. The sun's struggling to come out, isn't it? Good thing you brought the umbrellas, though. Sorry I didn't get back to you in time, about that. See you in a few minutes.

The Fixer said...

Please can I come to the party? I am only 12 but I am 'virtually' 18.

Anyway you lot will only have rubbish music so I'll bring some gud stuff.

Mean Mom said...

the fixer - You certainly can come to the party! Please wear normal party clothes, however, as appropriate for 12 year old girl, even if you do feel that you are 'virtually' 18. Looking forward to seeing you. I'm sure I can rely on you to bring some good music!!

Jules said...

What day is it over there? Did I miss it? Did I miss it?
These time differences are murder on the social calender. I know you're not locked in the bathroom. So....... Did I miss it?
And tell the fixer that I've seen her stuff and it's great! Also I'm waiting with baited breath to hear her really gud music.

Mean Mom said...

jules - You haven't missed it, in fact I was talking to you a minute ago, on the green outside my house. That must be good 'stuff' you're taking. Any to spare?

Strangely enough, after laughing, somewhat heartlessly, at your predicament, I found myself locked out of the bedroom, with no-one in there. Yes, we have a lock on our bedroom door, don't you?? I was getting ready to go out, and found myself separated from my shampoo, my socks (to wear under jeans), my shoes, coat and scarf. Oooh!! Husband had to take lock off door with screwdriver!!

Jules said...

Sorry...... laughing hysterically here. It must be the karma I'm sending your way.

The Fixer said...

Where is everybody? I hope they don't think I'm clearing up again.

Mean Mom said...

jules - Oh, thanks for the karma. I'm sending that straight back, then!

the fixer - Sooner or later, you will find out where we all disappeared to. Ah! Will it be sooner or will it be later? Get yourself into my house and lock yourself in my spare bedroom. Don't forget to push something up against the door. I have 4 men in my house, remember. Hopefully, we'll all be back by tomorrow, or if not by Monday.

the mother of this lot said...

Blimey, that must have been some party. I woke up this morning and I couldn't remember a thing about it.

Dusty Spider said...

Hi all, I've been sheltering from the rain. Thanks for helping with the awning Jules. Those poles are a pig aren't they. I've cooked all the sausages; pork chops; chicken; peppers and a salmon on the BBQ. Come and help yourselves!!

Mean Mom said...

dusty spider - You've been great. Food smells delicious and I am helping myself, thanks!

mother of this lot - Ha! I typed 'lost' instead of 'lot'!

My follow-up blog to the party invitation does contain a mention of not being able to remember much about it, but your meaning is much subtler than mine. Damn!