Yay! I've Found Another Silly Meme!

I found this meme at suburbia's place, today. OK. It wasn't silly until I got hold of it.

What are your initials? MM. This is pips,* so far.

What is your favorite thing to wear? Something that fits. If you're female, you'll know what I mean.

Last thing you ate? My hat for dinner, followed by my words for dessert.

Name one thing that scares you: Feeling very sad, having no comments on my blog, confined spaces, bungee jumping, whitewater rafting, my inability to count up to one.

I say Shotgun, you say: Oh, thanks, Gordon. That'll save me the expense of buying one. After you, however. I never dreamt that it would come to this, did you? Oh, you did? Why didn't you and your lot do something about it, then? Oh! That's him well splattered, then! OK, now it's my turn. How do you work this thing, again?

Who was the last person in your bed? My husband will be in big trouble, if it was anyone other than me.

What were you doing at 7:00am? Mumbling a lot, whilst trying to find the snooze button on my alarm clock, without opening my eyes.

Last person you hugged? Apart from my husband, the person who said that I only looked 54 years old, even though I am actually 55.

Does anyone want to date you? There's one of those religious fanatics, who go around knocking on people's doors, who really fancies me, I think. He's always ringing my bell (if you'll pardon the expression) and conducting a deep and meaningful conversation with me, on the doorstep. I think I might ask him in, next time.

When was your last encounter with the police? They'll have to catch me first. That police helicopter doesn't stand a chance. I know this area like the back of my hand.

Have you ever driven without a license? No, but some other drivers have been known to question this in a most aggressive and unreasonable manner.

The last place you went out to dinner? One of those upmarket pubs, with young waiters and waitresses, where the dining tables now outnumber the drinking tables. You know the sort I mean.

Do you like your name? Not much. I don't meet anyone under 50 with the same Christian name as me, these days. Sob!

What time of day is it? It's OK. The sun is definitely over the yardarm.

Who/What made you angry today? The man at the foreign call centre, who wouldn't transfer any money from my savings account, even though I have always transferred by telephone request, over the past 10 years or so, without a problem.

Do you want anyone? Well, certainly not that man at the foreign call centre.

Do you like birds? Not those overweight wood pigeons, who sit on our tv aerial and splash the patio, in a reckless manner, with copious amounts of bird poo. Anyone got another shotgun?

Favorite holiday? One we can afford. We couldn't afford one this year.

Do you download music? No, I listen to radio 2.

Do you care if your socks are dirty? What? It's difficult enough trying to find a matching pair! Do they have to be clean as well?

Opinion of Chinese symbol tattoos? Tattoos are awful. My son has left and right tattooed on his arms, in Chinese. He'll be sorry!

What are you doing tonight? Later tonight I will be doing the things I ought to be doing now, instead of doing this.

Do you like to cuddle? Yes, but not strangers - not unless they are very good looking and male, anyway.

Do you love anyone? I do.

Whose bed did you sleep in last night? No one offered me a choice, strangely enough, so I slept in my own bed.

Have you ever bungee jumped? You can't be serious! (My eldest son has.)

Have you ever gone whitewater rafting? Certainly not! Have you been reading my memes?

Has anyone 10 years older than you ever hit on you? There was that distinguished, elderly gentleman, the last time I went to the theatre with my friend. He pretended that I was sitting in his seat, but I knew what he was really after.

How many pets do you have? 3. That's 3 too many, in my opinion!

Have you met a real redneck? I don't think so. I don't know, though. There was that elderly gentleman in the theatre. He became very red in the face, when I told him to feck off. I think that his neck was quite red, too, now that you mention it.

How is the weather right now? The sun did come out today, but it's gone now. I missed it, because I was writing this.

What are you listening to right now? The voices.

What was the last movie you watched? Mamma Mia! Yay! Mamma Mia, here I go again. My my, how can I resist you? Mamma Mia, does it show again? My my, just how much I've missed you. Oh, sorry! Are you still here?

Do you wear contacts? No. Do you think that I might be able to find my way home, if I did? I'm fed up of lying in this alleyway.

Where was the last place you went besides your house? You mean apart from the alleyway? Waitrose. It's my second home, but I'm feeling the pinch, at the moment, so I'm considering moving into the Co-0p.

What are you wearing? Just my odd socks.

What's one thing you've learned this year? That people habitually spend more money than they have coming in. Especially sons who share my surname.

What do you usually order from Starbucks? Tea. You know that I only drink tea. Are you new to my blog?

Ever had someone sing to you? A pub' full of people in the Black Country once sang Happy Birthday to me. Fortunately, it was my birthday, so that was lucky.

Have you ever fired a gun? Not a real one, but never say never.

Are you missing someone? If you've ever read my blog, you will know that I miss my young family, now that they are grown up. Some things I just can't joke about.

Favourite tv show? The News on any channel. It's great when it's over, at the moment. How much more of this can we take?

What do you have an obsession with? Strange smells.

Has anyone ever said you looked like a celeb? Yes, I'm the spitting image of that Waynetta Slob, who used to be on the Harry Enfield show, apparently. I never saw it, unfortunately. Was she very glamorous?

Who would you like to see right now? That man from the foreign call centre. I want to knock his block off for causing me so much stress. (That's a funny expression, isn't it? 'Knock his block off'. I wonder where that originated?)

Ever had a near death experience? No, but I wouldn't mind arranging one for that man at the foreign call centre.

Are you afraid of falling in love? No. Falling out of it is much more scary.

Have you ever been caught doing something you weren't supposed to? Yes, my mother once caught me dressing up in the nurse's outfit, which had been hidden away and was intended as a Christmas present. It was last October. I'd forgotten that she was visiting. (Oh, for heaven's sake! The first sentence was true. It happened when I was about 6 years old. The rest was a joke. OK?)

Has anyone you were really close to passed away recently? Please don't tempt fate.

Our Lady Peace or Nickelback? Pass. I'm foreign, you know.

What's something that really bugs you? I'm surprised that you need to ask. Foreign fecking call centres.

Do you like Michael Jackson? Does he work for a foreign call centre, currently? Probably not, then.

Taco Bell or Burger King? One advantage of having grown up children, is that I don't have to eat at BK any more. I've never eaten at Taco Bell, so the answer is neither, I'm afraid.

Next time you will kiss someone? I might go for that religious fanatic, when he calls next Wednesday. What do you think?

Favorite baseball team? None.

Ever call a 1-900 phone number? No. I'm still foreign, you know. Is it something to do with sex lines? I'm thinking about starting one.

Nipple or Nose rings? A nose ring is better. It's easier for people to lead me around by.

What's the longest time you've gone without sleep? My eldest son was born in 1983 and I don't think I slept until my youngest son was 7. That would be 13 years, then, I suppose.

Last time you went bowling? About 1995, I think. I didn't do very well. I seem to remember feeling very tired.

Where is the weirdest place you have slept? I suppose that it was Birmingham Town Hall in about 1970. I slept through a live David Bowie concert.

Who was your last phone call? I don't know, but he was very out of breath. My money's on the religious fanatic.

What does your last received text message say? We would like you to come to our wedding, in the evening on .... Time, date, place and names follow, but I don't know these people. It's next Saturday. I'm at a loose end that evening, though, so I think I'll probably go, anyway.

What's the closest orange object to you? My nose. I'm feeling a bit 'out of sorts'
today.


* Pips - For all of you non-Brits, it means 'easy'!

Thanks for publishing that meme, yesterday, suburbia and throwing it open to one and all. I hate to miss an opportunity to be silly. It's a great release.