Monday, 26 January 2009

Shock Poll Reveals What Women Mean!

An exclusive poll, conducted by Mean Moody Middle-aged Mom, based on telephone interviews with a remarkably small number of female adults, recently uncovered some shocking facts. Apparently, a tiny minority of women don't necessarily say what they mean in certain situations, when conversing with their partners! A teensy weensy number of the women polled even admitted to neglecting to mention niggling little details, which they considered unimportant and less than one woman openly admitted to the odd white lie!

The reasons behind this sort of behaviour varied considerably, in accordance with the woman's mood, the poll revealed, but included such things as a desire to appear virtuous, or to help her husband become more considerate, a reluctance to upset her partner, or a wish to avoid conflict. Below, in bold, are a few examples, gleaned from the poll, of the sort of things women might say, in some situations, which could have hidden meaning and a few light hearted suggestions of what they could mean in italics.

Going Out:

I'm nearly ready! I'm nowhere near ready.

I'm not ready yet. It's obvious that I'm not ready, yet, because I'm still drying my hair. Sitting in the car, on the drive, with the engine running won't make my hair dry any faster.

Would you check the doors and windows, before we go out, please? If you're sitting twiddling your thumbs and I'm obviously not yet ready to go out, why don't YOU check the doors and windows, instead of leaving it to me.


I'm just going into Accessorize to buy a pretty scarf for your sister, for her birthday. I'm just going into Accessorize to buy a pretty scarf for your sister, for her birthday and 2 for myself, whilst I'm there.

Don't buy that for me, for my birthday. It's far too expensive. I'll be absolutely thrilled if you buy that for me, for my birthday, in spite of the fact that it's so expensive.

I like both outfits. I can't decide which to have. Could we fast for a week, so that I could buy both of these outfits?

At Home:

Would you mash the potatoes, please? Don't stand doing nothing, in the kitchen, whilst I am running around like a blue arsed fly, trying to do 3 things at the same time.

Would you take the garden rubbish to the tip, please? It's supposed to be your responsibility to take the rubbish to the tip. It's been sitting there for about 4 weeks and it's starting to smell. You can see it and you can smell it as well as I can, so why do I have to nag, before you will do something about it?

It's OK, thanks, I can plug the lawnmower in. It's supposed to be your responsibility to cut the grass, whilst I look after the rest of the garden. If I decide that I ought to cut the grass, because you've not done it for 3 weeks, don't plug the lawnmower in for me. It's infuriating. If you do it again, I shall make you swallow the plug.

Can I have a glass of wine, now, please? When I said, half an hour ago, that I didn't want any wine, I didn't mean that you could instantly knock back the whole bottle, without pausing for breath.

No, I'm not blogging again. I'm just checking my emails. I was blogging, until you interrupted me. Now, I'm checking my emails.

Unavoidable Conflict:

There's nothing wrong. There's something wrong. I can't discuss it with you, yet, because I'm still simmering, but, believe me, I will discuss it, when I come to the boil.

I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry I said that out loud.

It's OK. I know you didn't mean it, when you said that I was an ugly old cow. I'm having a headache, later, so don't bother suggesting any hanky panky. I haven't decided how long it will last, yet.

I forgive you. I'll remember what you did and bring it up in every argument, from now until dementia sets in.

Extra Marital:

Why are you so late home from work all the time? Are you having an affair?

No, I don't mind in the least if you go to watch the match, on Saturday and spend all day Sunday playing golf. I'm having an affair.

Mean Moody Middle-aged Mom would be interested in hearing from anyone, who has had first hand experience of such unscrupulous women. Perhaps your sister, or best friend suffers from such tendencies. Please leave a comment. Mean Mom would like to know.

Male readers please note: In no event will Mean Moody Middle-aged Mom be liable for any arguments or injuries arising, or divorce proceedings instigated, either directly or indirectly as a result of belief in the content of this post.


aims said...

Who have you been talking to?

I mean - OMG!

Are they saying what I think they are saying?

And - why am I the first to comment here? I can't think of anything funny to say!

Working mum said...

Ha ha! Another great post Mean Mom. I personally like "I need" meaning "I want" - usually used in conjunction with "new shoes", "a new handbag", "another lipstick", etc

auntiegwen said...

You are getting to know me far too well.

In my case 5 minutes for me means till I'm feckin ready, okay ?

In anyone elses case 5 minutes means 5 minutes and I'll time it

See, no shame either, I'll admit it straight out.

Letty - A Little Girl With A Curl said...

ok here goes! Although sadly all these comments here relate totally to me, no other "sister", just little old me!

I'm nearly ready - god how many times has this happened to me, Himself all ready to party and me still trying on endless unsuitable outfits, plus trying to straighten my hair at the same time!!

I'm not ready yet - a familiar if overused delaying technique by moi.

Would you check doors and windys, - well as I am borderline OCD, can you also check I have turned aforesaid very hot straightners OFF! when I have finally finished with them.

Shopping, Accessorise and double buying, - hate to admit this, but do this all the b****y time!m My version of buy one get two free (for me!)

Don't buy that.....- yes, been there and got the t-shirt.

Both outfits - oh come on, life is too short not to buy two outfits at a time, regardless whether they fit or not. At some time in my life I am going to fit in the bigger one, or the smaller one, weight being so subjective.

Mash the potatoes - well have to give it to Himself, he is better at this than me. His mash has no lumps unlike my potato version of the Alps.

Garden Rubbish - well he is slightly obsessive over this, would not be fare to criticise, not yet anyway.

Lawnmower, same as above. I have never mown the lawn, too busy waiting for my hair to dry!!

Wine generosity - I pour it myself and probably knock the bottle back before he gets a look in!

I'm not blogging again - oh dearie me, used this excuse just now, to check on the blogs!

There's nothing wrong - ok, yes, done this one too.

Unavoidable Conflict:There's nothing wrong - this one too been accomplished many times.

I'm sorry I said that. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry I said that out loud - yep!

It's OK. I know you didn't mean it, when you said that I was an ugly old cow - never been unlucky enough to have this said to me, but I can understand any fury or sulking should it have been uttered. And the sulk would have lasted till the next Ice Age.

I forgive you. - yes, I am a very forgiving person, likewise I never, ever forget, anything.........

Extra Marital:Why are you so late home from work all the time? - possibly he would be too scared to attempt this, but I am not smug or complacent, who knows? However, I am sure the fear of my wrath may be a slight deterrent (not sure if I spelled detterent right) but you will know what I mean.

The angst after such a extra marital would be so long and so epic - he would possibly lose the will to ever be late home again.

No, I don't mind in the least if you go to watch the match, on Saturday and spend all day Sunday playing golf - well not having an affair, but think to myself, wow, got the whole blinking day to myself to do what I please, without any cooking, the wine is all for me, and me and the dog can go for a very long walk. But I would always be happy to see him home safe.

Husband, that is. Dog as well come to that!

32 years this year manacled together, and we still manage to have a laugh, although as John Cleese so famously said once, not always at the same time!

Loved this post!

Letty ;))))))) Thanks for your comments on mine.

The Finely Tuned Woman said...

I am single now and have been for 8 moths and I have just about forgotten all the little ways I used to tell white lies to my husband. I'd rather not remember and I hope I will never be in a position to have to revert to them again. That means I'll have to stay single for the rest of my life. That's okay. I don't want to play the game anymore. I like me on my own better.

Jennysmith said...

A pleasure to read once again.

I especially identify with the I'm not ready yet. Bloody husband sits in the car revving the engine while i'm drying my hair!

Oh and i've covered up my blogging with some flimsey excuse eg checking hotmail for the PTA or some such shite.


Liz said...

I've never met a woman like that. Are you sure it was an accurate poll?

Suburbia said...

OMG I think I've said and done them all!!!!

Fab post :)

Maggie May said...

"Oh, I've had it for ages" is a thing I say sometimes after I have smuggled a new top or something into the house....... if it gets noticed, that is!

Another good post.
Where did you get the poll from?

Mean Mom said...

aims - LOL! Just a few lucky guesses. I didn't need to talk to anyone and you did think of something funny to say!

Working mum - Oh, I agree! Always 'I need', never 'I want' - so crass. Creates totally the wrong impression.

auntiegwen - LOL! From Student son and Husband I get 'What time are we leaving?' Well, unless we are going to the cinema or theatre, why can't we just leave when I'm ready? What's wrong with that? ;0)

Mean Mom said...

Letty - I can see that I've struck a few chords with this post. Tears of laughter in my eyes.

Re shopping I rarely shop for anything other than food. Christmas shopping is a bit like being a child in a sweet shop, for me. A pair of gloves for my mother, 2 for me etc

Love the outfits and wine remarks!

I suppose I ought to make it clear, at this point, that not all of the stuff mentioned in the post relates to me personally, just a lot of it! ;0)

The Finely Tuned Woman - I'm glad that you are feeling content, living without the ex factor. You do seem to be more satisfied with your life and more relaxed, on the whole, since his departure.

Jenny - Yes, a while ago, my husband really did regularly sit in the car, on the drive, with the engine running. He's given it up, now, though.

I do feel a bit guilty about blogging a bit too much, sometimes.

Mean Mom said...

Liz - I believe you. I do wonder about polls, sometimes. They're only accurate if everyone tells the truth, aren't they?

Suburbia - Well, I believe you too! ;0)

Maggie May - That's a good one, which I've used, in the past. Sadly no more, with Student son at uni. Have to spend as little as possible. ;0(

The poll came out of my head! Sorry, not a real one. Didn't mean to give that impression. Just a bit of a laugh!

softinthehead said...

OMG (LMAO) Mean Mom I don't know any women like that....honestly:)

Robin said...

Some of my best "lines" are accidentally said aloud. Please don't rat me out.

Mean Mom said...

Softinthehead - Really? OK, I'll believe you - thousands wouldn't! ;0)

Robin - Oops, have I given the game away? Don't let husband anyway near your blog! (Or anyone else, they might snitch.)

Ladybird World Mother said...

Love this post, but can't possibly be True. Can it? ;)

Mean Mom said...

Ladybird World Mother - True? No, of course not! Nothing on this blog is ever true! It didn't take you long to suss me out. ;0)

Gill - That British Woman said...

that was funny, and I can so relate to most of those things!!

You did forget about the selective hearing though that most men have!!

Gill in Canada

Taz said...

Please no one show my husband this list LOL

And you know I now want to know what your name is ;)

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

Made me laugh - it is SO true! And are you sure you are not married to my old man. It does make you think though - how is it that we are all so alike! Very funny. A x

Mean Mom said...

Gill - Yes, of course - selective hearing! I have to repeat myself several times, before my husband hears me say that we need to get rid of some our junk!

Taz - Oops! I have given the game away a bit, but I think most men know this stuff, really. The only thing that they probably don't realise is that a lot of us are similar. Bit of a disappointment if they decide to move on to a new model!

In real life, I have the most boring name. Mean Mom is a lot more interesting!

Strawberry - It is fascinating when you first realise that a lot of men behave in similar ways and a lot of women, too. I get the impression that behaviour may be changing a little bit, though, from generation to generation.

Grumpy Old Ken said...

Great, very funny and mainly if sadly true.
Please note, I'm the only man to comment on this blog! What does that tell us I wonder.

Rose said...

Mean Mom, I really don't know what you're talking about here:) Women don't tell little white lies; they engage in psychological manuevering. We've learned that men have a limited range of hearing, so they can hear "Would you mind taking the garbage out on your way out?" But they can't hear, "Why don't you get up and DO something to help me?!"

I've also learned there's no use in talking to Husband about something important when the paper is in front of his face or a football game is on the TV.

Anonymous said...

Oh my! No. Really?! ;0

Mean Mom said...

Grumpy Old Ken - I'm glad that you enjoyed the post. It's good to have a bit of a laugh about the things that wind up the different sexes, sometimes. It puts things in perspective. I hope that you've taken it with an enormous pinch of salt, but then you are hopefully wise to me by now!

Why don't I have many men commenting? I suspect that not many men want to hang around with a mean, moody, middle-aged mother! If they manage to get past the name, perhaps they feel outnumbered by the ladies and get scared off? You are very welcome, (and very brave) anyway, and I hope that you will continue to visit.

Incidentally, I see from my site meter that I do have a few men visiting, but they are in search of things I am unable to provide. It's something to do with the 'middle-aged mom' portion of my pseudonym, which throws me up on all sorts of dubious searches! (But then, who can tell? I suppose they might be women, too!) ;0)

Mean Mom said...

Rose - So true of course. It's not what you say, it's how you say it. My husband doesn't hear me, when he is watching the rugby. I don't hear him, when I am writing, or blogging. ;0)

Mean Mom said...

Meredith - Welcome! I'm afraid that women like this, do exist! Scary, isn't it?

blogthatmama said...

Goodness me, Mean Mom, I somehow stumbled across this post whilst I was checking my e:mails and remarking what a silly old billy my husband Lurch was for infecting my computer with a trojan virus that disabled it for two weeks. It's all right really it is,it really doesn't matter! What, me, angry? No, I don't know any women like that, they sound horrible. Blogthatmamax

Mean Mom said...

blogthatmama - But of course you don't. None of us do. I think that these women live in some sort of parallel universe, don't you?