Showing posts with label elderly parents. Show all posts
Showing posts with label elderly parents. Show all posts

Saturday, 4 April 2009

A Difficult Choice

Doc didn't c me bt saw nurse insted, they already given me usual injection 4 bloodclots - 1 that have been havin al wk, but he asked em giv me notha 1 much stronga! So just had that, gdnite mum + sleep wel, love Middle Son X.

I deciphered my 23 year old son's text speak with a frown instead of my usual wry smile. It was 10.30, on a Saturday evening, in the third week of March and I was concerned about my middle son, who had been admitted to the trauma unit of the local hospital almost a week ago. I wondered what the stronger injection could be. Perhaps one of the hospital doctors had finally taken the initiative to administer some treatment for the suspected blood clot in my son's right calf, instead of waiting for the results of an ultrasound scan, which wouldn't take place until Monday. There was no doubt that my middle son's pain had worsened since the scan had been requested on Friday morning, so it would surely have been a logical step to take.

Half an hour later, I lay in bed on my back, my novel discarded on the bedside table, staring at a 3 stranded cobweb, which had formed between the ceiling and the light shade. I mulled over the events of the past few weeks, not yet ready to turn out the light and settle down to sleep. 4 weeks previously, my 84 year old father had been admitted into hospital, at short notice, to have his right hip replaced. I had travelled up to my parents' house, in the Midlands, the day before he was admitted, so that I could look after my mother whilst my father was away. She was unable to manage alone due to her failing sight and occasional confusion.

After the operation, my father had suffered from low blood pressure and his wound had been slow to heal, so he had spent 3 weeks in hospital altogether. The Saturday before my father's discharge, my husband had travelled up to my parents' house to stay the night and at 6.40 am on the Sunday morning, our peaceful sleep had suddenly been disturbed by a telephone call from our middle son, to let us know that he was in A & E, awaiting an x-ray, because of a suspected broken leg. By mid afternoon, one of the hospital doctors had decided that Middle Son needed to have an operation the following day and would have to stay in hospital for at least a week. Shortly after hearing the news, my husband had left for the hospital, whilst I had remained with my mother, so my only contact with my son, over the next few days, had been by text.

My father had been discharged from hospital the next day and, after a kind offer from Student Son to take over my duties at my parents' house for a few days, I had finally been able to visit my middle son on the Wednesday after his admission into hospital. In fact, after visiting my son and seeing his x-ray, I had felt much worse. I had realised that my family hadn't fully disclosed the extent of the damage to my middle son's leg and it had occurred to me, for the first time, that he might not regain full use of it. I had become even more upset the following evening, when my son had found himself inexplicably suffering increasing and unbearable pain in his broken leg.

I returned to the present once more, my gaze falling upon my bag, packed and ready by the side of the bed, in case I needed to stay with my parents for a further week, after our Mother's Day visit, the next day. I hoped that it wouldn't be necessary, but I needed to assess the situation, once we arrived and to check with my student son, to see how well my parents had coped whilst he had been staying with them. I sighed, reaching out for my book, once more, succeeding, this time, in concentrating upon the plot long enough for my eyelids to grow heavy with sleep.

Mother's Day was a rather odd occasion, in the circumstances. I saw none of my sons in the morning. My eldest son and his girlfriend had visited the previous day, as my husband and I were anticipating a hectic Mother's Day visiting our relatives in different parts of the country. We intended to have lunch with my mother-in-law and my husband's family, in Staffordshire and then an evening meal with my parents in the West Midlands. My husband rang the hospital before we set off to enquire about Middle Son's condition and the Sister confirmed that the stronger injections being administered to him were clot busting injections, so we felt relieved that some action was finally being taken to try and deal with the problem in his calf.

We spent a couple of hours with my husband's family and then continued to my parents' house, as planned. My father was feeling very relieved to be without pain for the first time in 2 1/2 years. His wound had almost healed and he had managed a visit to the local supermarket without any major problem. Student Son reported that he felt that my mother and father were managing well and would be able to cope by themselves. When I told my parents that I was willing to stay another week, if they needed me, I could see that my mother would have preferred me to stay, although she stipulated that I should return home, so that I could be near to my middle son.

After a hurried meal, with my parents, I helped to load Student Son's belongings into the car with a heavy heart. I had decided to return home, but it had been a very difficult decision to make. I knew that my mother had become used to having me around and that she would miss my company and support. When everything was packed away in the car, we said our goodbyes, the slamming of the car doors confirming the finality of my decision. When we reached the main road, I leaned out of the window and caught one last glimpse of my parents framed in their front doorway, illuminated by the light behind them. I raised my hand as we headed off into the night, weeping silently under cover of the darkness, because of the decision I'd had to make.

Friday, 12 December 2008

Christmas Ramblings

I managed to write my Christmas cards yesterday. I can't send one to you lot, of course, but, if I could, I would send this one:















It's a lovely card, isn't it? I bought my cards from Oxfam again, this year. There were 3 different views in the boxes I bought. I have used up the one type, entirely, but the other one looked like this:






Anyway, I've written my cards, so that's another tick on my Christmas list. Only another 2 million things to do before Christmas, then. Nearly there!

Every year, when Christmas looms, I am reminded of the things I intended to do during the current year, or of the things I started, but which remain unfinished. I habitually whip myself into a frenzy, during the month of December, trying to finish off everything I've started during the previous months, as well as doing all of the usual Christmassy things, like buying presents, writing cards and putting up decorations.

I won't bore you by going into details of all of the things I need to get done, before Christmas. I'm sure that you each have you own interminable lists, and have no desire to hear about mine.

The Christmas day arrangements are worrying me, a little, this year. For the last few years, I have had Christmas dinner prepared for my immediate family, by 1 pm. By 3.30 pm, everything has been cleared away, the dishwasher has been loaded and we have been on the way up to the Midlands, to pick up my aunt and then have tea with my parents. It has tended to be a busy, but organised day.

This year, my son and his girlfriend have invited the 4 of us (my husband, my other 2 sons and me) to have Christmas dinner at their house, along with son's girlfriend's mother and brother. This is great, but it does mean that I won't have any control over the time everything will be ready! I have asked them, politely, whether they would mind preparing dinner early and they don't mind, but I can see that there is potential for things to go wrong. I am determined to bite my tongue, if they do!

I am an only child, so I like to see my parents on Christmas day. I don't like to think of them being alone at Christmas and they are in their 80s, so I don't know how many more Christmases we have left to spend together. I have been more than happy, over the past few years, to put in the extra effort needed, so that I can be with my parents on Christmas day, but I do feel a little guilty about asking my son and his girlfriend to do the same thing. I know that I won't be able to relax properly this year, until we are leaving my son's house on Christmas day, to travel up to the Midlands. My parents won't mind if we are a little late, but my aunt gets more and more difficult, as she get older and I know that she will get 'arsey' if she has to sit around waiting. She now lives by herself, however, so I don't want her to be alone on Christmas day, either.

It makes me look back, somewhat nostalgically, to less complicated times, when my children were young and my parents used to travel down from the Midlands to stay with us for a week or so, over the Christmas period. They were the best Christmases of my whole life, I think and we were all particularly sad, when my parents were no longer able to cope with the journey, even when we picked them up in the car.

I hope that you all have simple, relaxing plans for the Christmas period. If you are in the fortunate position of having a young family and hale and hearty parents, remember not to take these special Christmas times for granted. They are all too short and things will change before you know it.

I must go into town, now, to post my cards and buy something for tea. If I wait a little longer, the queue at the post office will probably reach my side gate, so that I can join it and shuffle the usual 10 minute walk into the High Street, whilst whingeing and complaining about the Christmas rush etc. I like to keep up the old British traditions, so I think that I may well do that. If I'm lucky I might find a 'nice, young man' to chat to whilst I am shuffling. Fingers crossed!

Friday, 18 April 2008

It's All About Me!

I have been tagged by maggie may.

  1. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning.
  2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
  3. At the end of the post, the player tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, which should inform them that they've been tagged and that the details are on the player's blog.

This promises to be such a boring post, because I've led such a boring life. Do you have any parcel tape? If you do, I suggest you use it, at this point, to tape your eyes open.


What were you doing 10 years ago?

I was living in the same place as I am, now, with my husband and 3 sons. I had a highly paid part-time job, as a lap dancer, in a local nightclub.

Name 5 snacks you enjoy.

I never eat snacks.

If you were a billionaire, how would you spend the money?

I am a billionaire. I ensure that the financial needs of my family and friends are met. I don't live in a mansion. I don't wear designer clothes. I live modestly. I give a fair proportion of my wealth to charity, whilst still ensuring that enough money remains to provide for my husband and myself in our old age.

Name 5 jobs you have had.

I was a published author, by the age of 10, and a professional blues singer, by the age of 18. I have also been a fashion designer and a professional artist. My favourite job has been that of mother to my 3 sons.

Name 3 bad habits you have.

I don't have any bad habits, only good ones.

Name 5 places where you have lived.

USA, New Zealand, Canada, Japan and Australia.

Did I get you going there, for a moment? Bet you didn't drop off to sleep, did you? When did you suss me out? Sorry? When you got to the bit about me being a published author? Don't spare my feelings, will you? Don't be afraid to speak your mind! You didn't have any problem with the lap dancing, then?

Okay. Leave the parcel tape in place because I'm about to tell the truth.

10 years ago, I was living where I am today, with the same husband and 3 sons. I had 3 part-time jobs and the household tasks remained my responsibility, much to my disgust. My post 'A Woman's Dilemma' stemmed, partly, from my feelings, at that time.

5 snacks I enjoy are Waitrose's cashew nuts and giant pretzels, Nairns cheesy oatcakes, Hovis digestive biscuits and bananas. Any of the aforementioned companies, who are intent on sending me lorry loads of complimentary goods, should send them to my virtual address.

If I were a billionaire, I would pay for my father to have his second pacemaker fitted privately and today. (The first one isn't working.) I would buy my parents a bungalow, or pay for the desperately-needed alterations to their current home, if they didn't want to move again. I would also pay for them to have help with jobs around the house, as I live too far away to be of regular help to them. In addition, I would bribe the manager at their local Mecca bingo hall to let them win something, at least once a week!

I would arrange for my own house and garden to be moved elsewhere, within our country town, but to somewhere with a little more land. I would have new furniture and carpets, plus some new clothes. I would buy my husband a canal boat and ensure that other family and close friends received help with anything they needed. I would buy my sons their own houses in the Outer Hebrides and change the locks at my own house, as soon as they moved out. I might, or I might not, let them have details of our new address. I would try to boost the funds of some of the less popular charities.

5 jobs that I have had are - office assistant in hospital admin, clerical officer in the Civil Service, audio typist/word processor, admin assistant and wife plus mother. You might say that amounts to 6, I suppose. Okay, yes, the first 4 are just 4 different ways of saying that I worked in an office. So?

3 bad habits I have are - blogging, when I should be doing something else (like now), staying up into the early hours to blog and falling into a deep sleep, whilst on the 'phone to my mother, whenever she rings me after 9pm. (In the distance I suddenly hear her saying 'Mean mom, mean mom - are you still there?) I think that the last 2 may be related in some way.

I lived in 2 different locations in the Black Country and a village in Buckinghamshire, before I moved here. I have lived here for about 22 years, so I can't give you details of a fifth location, because there hasn't been one, so far.

The 5 people I would like to know more about are:

jules

mid-lifer

softinthehead

swearing mother and

grit

Can I hear someone snoring? It's very rude to fall asleep, whilst I'm still speaking, you know.