Tagged Again!

Suburbia, you've very kindly given me an award, but tagged me again! You know that these things bring out the worst in me and that I can't resist them. Do you think that maybe I've got multiple personality disorder?

This one has a '7's theme:

7 Things I plan to do before I die:

Finish my ironing

Pluck that stray hair out of my chin

Have another brazilian

Have sex with Russell Brand and make sure I give him my grandfather's home telephone number

Moon my next door neighbour

Get drunk and have sex on the beach in Dubai

My pelvic floor exercises

7 Things I do now:

Blog when I should be ironing

Wear a very large hat to distract attention from the stray hair on my chin

Shampoo, condition, apply a little mousse, followed by a blow dry and a bit of hair lacquer to keep everything tidy down there

Have sex with anyone who professes to love me for my mind

Moon my next door neighbour as soon as he turns his back

Have sex on the beach in Brighton. It 's so cold that there's nobody around to bother

Carry a spare pair, in case of little accidents

7 Things I can't do:

Sit like this. It hurts my left knee, lately

Stand up after sitting like this, these days

Turn on the tap, after middle son has turned it off

Play the piano

Read without my glasses and a good light

Limbo without something dragging on the floor

Get my size 8 jeans past my ankles

7 things that attract me in the opposite sex:

A beard

A reluctance to discard anything because it might come in useful in 10 years' time and save us 20p

Total lack of enthusiasm for diy

The desire to spend thousands on a holiday, when the house is falling apart

Ability to love me even when I'm in the menopause

Loving my sons as much as I do

Sharing my silly sense of humour

Well, that was unbelievably lucky, then! Fortunately, I found my perfect match!

7 things I say most often:

Middle son, can you turn up your music? My brain isn't vibrating against the sides of my skull, yet

Can you use more towels? I haven't got enough for 5 full loads, yet

I've had to write you a message on a piece of paper today, instead of scrawling one, with my finger, on the top of the dining room table, because I've dusted

I know where I've put that

I'm just going for a 5 mile run, before I do my pelvic floor exercises

I wish that my tummy would stick out a bit. It's so flat

Will you make more mess in the house? There's nowhere near enough

7 Celebrities that I admire

Well, I don't exactly admire them, but I do admire their ability to convince certain people that they should be rewarded for not a lot, or for just being obnoxious, arrogant, or irritating

Russell Brand

Jonathan Ross

Jade Goody

Jeremy Clarkson

Jodie Marsh

Liz Hurley

Tara Palmer Tomkinson

7 Favourite foods

Burnt toast

Burnt sausage

Lumpy gravy

Lumpy custard

Meat overcooked

Soggy veg

Soggy pastry

Luckily I can whip up all of the above in no time at all!

7 Bloggers who need to do this:

Well, I don't really mind who does it - anyone can, who fancies it, but I'd like to pass on the award to the following:

auntiegwen

dusty spider

maggie may

merry weather

scrappysue

robin

blogthatmama

If any of the above would like to do the tag, I will be over to read it, of course!

A Dark Secret

Have I attracted your attention?

Firstly, I would just like to apologise for my absence from the blogging world over the past few days. I've been forced into practising my word processing skills, so that I can apply for a job, which I need, but don't want. It's a hard life, sometimes, isn't it?

I was tagged by maggie may a few weeks ago. I had to have a think about it, as I found it a really difficult one to try and make into an interesting post. The requirement was to relate 6 things that you may not have known about me, but the things you don't know about me become fewer and fewer! Anyway, here goes:

1. I'm a miniaturist. For anyone who is not sure what that means, (and nowadays, when the word is used, it doesn't often refer to an artist who paints very small paintings) a miniaturist is interested in making and/or collecting items in a smaller scale. In my case, I mainly like to make, as opposed to collect, and I favour one twelfth scale. Miniatures are generally displayed in a cabinet, dolls' house, room box or vignette.

Many miniaturists tend to keep quiet about their interest, as it can still be regarded as mildly eccentric, by some, but it is a growing hobby and its popularity, amongst women, in the UK, is reputed to be second only to gardening! There are shops throughout the country, numerous internet sites, a large section on Ebay and fairs every weekend, in many different locations, where dolls' houses and miniatures are available.

Queen Mary's Dolls' House, on display at Windsor Castle, is probably the most famous dolls' house of all and, no doubt you have all heard of it and perhaps even seen it. You may be interested to know that the White House has been faithfully reproduced in miniature, over a period of 32 years and that the Royal Pavilion, in Brighton has also been treated in a similiar way.

2. I have a one twelfth scale dolls' house, which contains many miniatures I made myself.

3. My dolls' house has been featured in 2 magazines.

4. I made the vignette pictured below for my mother:

(Clicking on the pictures should enlarge them.)

The vignette is reminiscent of the living room, in the house where I grew up, which my parents moved from, only a few years ago. We were a working class family, so there was never much money to spare. We didn't have anything fancy and none of the furnishings were stylish, but it was a cosy, comfortable home, and we lived there very happily. Most of my mother's interests are represented in the vignette. She liked to sew and made most of my clothes, when I was a child. We always visited my grandparents on a Sunday afternoon and it wasn't unusual for her to make me an item of clothing, on a Sunday morning, to wear the same afternoon. This would often result in us going out later than intended and my father would get very frustrated with waiting around, as I'm sure you can imagine!

I can remember coming home from school, on many occasions, to find the living room covered in paper patterns and fabric, whilst my mother worked away industriously, on her old Singer sewing machine. She also enjoyed knitting and crochet and, when I was younger, putting together a jigsaw puzzle was often a family activity. I was fascinated by my mother's button tin, as a child, and this is also represented in the vignette. My parents both have a weakness for biscuits and a mug of tea must always be accompanied by the same, so this explains the presence of the tea and biscuits, on the table.

For many years, my mother and one of my aunties visited the local market, on a Wednesday afternoon, and returned with many 'bargains'. They would bring home an assortment of cheap items, which they wouldn't have wanted at their full price, but which became irresistible at a knock down price. They were teased mercilessly about their little outings, but they very much enjoyed themselves and the outings continued until my auntie's death. The 'Bargains' carrier is a reminder of those happy occasions.

I cut out the display from balsa board and a piece of green velvet represents the carpet. I scanned a piece of one twelfth scale wallpaper into the computer and printed out the picture onto a piece of fabric, which I then used to cover the back of the display. The picture on the 'wall' is one of our family photographs, which I reduced to an appropriate size, on the scanner, and then framed with one twelfth scale picture framing. Getting a miniature picture frame square, is always a nightmare, for me, as I invariably manage to cut one side a millimetre too long, or too short!

I made the chair and table from scratch, from my own patterns, but the spindles, for the table legs, were bought ready made. The pouffe is made from a piece of balsa wood, covered with a thin layer of foam and then fabric. I prised the sewing machine from a very cheap miniature of a treadle sewing machine and then inserted it into a piece of wood, to give an impression of my mother's favourite old Singer sewing machine. I made the work bag from my own pattern and then worked the knitting, in thread, on pins produced especially for miniature knitting. When the knitting was the desired length, I transferred it to dressmaker's pins, which make realistic one twelfth scale knitting pins. I also worked the crochet with thread, using a very fine hook. The crochet hook, displayed on top of the crochet was fashioned by me from Fimo clay.

I made the skirt pattern pieces on a desktop publishing program and then printed them out onto tissue paper, which first had to be sellotaped onto a piece of ordinary paper, before it could go through the printer. I also made the biscuit wrapper, the carrier bag, the jigsaw box and the tape measure on my desktop publishing program. I found the tiger picture, the envelope for the skirt pattern, (on the table) the knitting patterns and the crochet pattern on the internet, reduced them to one twelfth scale and printed them out. I used a fine pen to outline the pieces of jigsaw on the tiger picture. I bought a copy of each of my mother's favourite magazines, scanned them into my computer, reduced them to the appropriate size and then printed them out. The mug, biscuits and buttons were fashioned, by me, from Fimo clay and then painted with acrylic paint, followed by a coat of varnish. The mug is filled with scenic water, (a firm, rubbery, jelly-like substance, which is one part resin and re-meltable) which is coloured with acrylic paint. The scissors, button tin and the items inside the carrier bag were bought ready made.

5. I made a second vignette, pictured below, for a friend of mine. She enjoys knitting, cross stitch, baking cakes, buying and reading books, and card making. Each of her hobbies is represented in the vignette. The display is made in the same way as I described, before. I made the armchair from balsa wood, cardboard, thin foam and fabric, from my own pattern. I copied the table from a picture in an Argos catalogue. The knitting basket is made from tapestry canvas, shaped over a mould. The cushion is filled with salt, so that it can be realistically indented! I cross stitched the sampler on the 'wall' and framed it, once again, with great difficulty! I made the cake, small plate, cup and saucer from Fimo clay. The magazine covers and book covers were scanned into the computer and reduced to the appropriate size.

The small book, lying on the floor, was one which belonged to my friend and was lent to me. The larger card standing up, on the table, is a paper copy, which I scanned into the computer and reduced to size, from a full sized card, which my friend cross stitched for me. The Craft Creations magazine, lying on the table, is a card making magazine. A page of card making 'scraps' and a card 'blank' lie on top of the magazine. I made the carrier on my desktop publishing program. The glasses, fork, scissors, table legs and paper plate, on which the cake stands, were all bought items. The most difficult things to reproduce for this vignette were the embroidery silks. I have fairly small hands and fingers, but even my fingers were too large to wrap the paper labels around the embroidery silks!

6. Some of my miniatures, but not those pictured here, have been on display at 2 local dolls' house fairs.

There we are then! I hope you don't feel that you've found out things about me, which you would never have wished to know! My dark secret is that I am a miniaturist and it's something which some miniaturists would only ever admit to other known enthusiasts! There doesn't seem to be any in-between, as far as miniatures are concerned. People are either fascinated by them, or think they are 'naff' and pointless, so I've taken a chance with this post, and I can only hope that you've found it interesting and not too naff or pointless!

Oh, Silly Meme!

Grit laid down the gauntlet, a few days' ago, when she tagged me with the mother of all memes. I was daunted for at least a few seconds, but then a wicked gleam came into my eye, and suddenly, I found myself hurtling along the path to self-destruction!

1. Do you like blue cheese?
I love Stilton, but I also love to fit into my jeans, so I only eat it at Christmas. I have an iron will and no money to buy jeans in a larger size.

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
Is the emphasis on smoked here? Well, no, then.

3. Do you own a gun?
Several. My favourite is the sawn-off shotgun, which is a very effective deterrent against Npower doorstep salesmen.

4. What flavor do you add to your drink?
Yorkshire loose tea.

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
No. I am menopausal. I tell my GP what is wrong with me. I tell him what I want. He types up a prescription, for me, I leave the surgery and he lives to see his wife and family again, at the end of the day.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I think that they should have been born with the intelligence to move into the shade.

7. Favorite Christmas movie?
Holiday Inn (1942). The frenzied excitement of getting to sing along with Bing Crosby in the song 'White Christmas', on 2 separate occasions, hardly ever fails to make me wet my pants.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Tea, if I polished off all of the vodka the night before.

9. Can you do push ups?
At my age, I can't afford to waste the time necessary to 'get down', in order to be in the appropriate position to 'push up'.

10. Are you thinking about someone else, right now?
Yes, the person who devised this questionnaire, strangely enough.

11. What's your favourite piece of jewelry?
My engagement ring. It has a diamond and 6 sapphires and it didn't come from Argos. It was made by a member of the family, who was, and still is, a bona fide jewellery maker.

12. Favorite hobbies?
Smoking, swearing, drinking, gambling, injecting hard drugs and embroidery.

13. Phrase you use most often?
It was just a joke, honestly, it was!

14. Do you have A.D.D?
Sorry, did you say something? I was just distracted for a moment, there.

15. What's one trait you hate about yourself?
Shyness. It's ridiculous in a woman of my age.

16. Middle name?
I will never divulge my middle name. You can kidnap my hairdresser and hide my hairdryer, but I will never tell. I kept it secret from my lads for 15 years, before they finally tricked my mother into giving the game away.

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
Now that you've put me on the spot, my mind's gone blank. I can't think of any thoughts.

18. Name 4 things you bought yesterday.
Soda crystals for my drains.
Apple crumble for my tummy.
Hand wash liquid for my delicate clothes.
Wine for my husband.
I'll try not to get them mixed up, this time.

19. Next vacation?
One day, hopefully, when eldest son has moved out, middle son has finished his apprenticeship and student son reverts to being a son. Eldest son went to America, last year, and the younger 2 are off to America, in August. Something doesn't add up, somewhere.

20. Current worry?
In the singular??? Every member of my close family, including my elderly parents.

21. Current hate right now?
Memes.

22. Favorite place to be?
My padded cell. It's so safe, cosy and windowless.

23. How did you bring in the New Year?
The same way as for the last 7 or 8 years. My husband's family joined us for a barbecue, in the evening and we had fireworks at midnight. In fact, this year, we were still cooking in the garden, at midnight and it was warm enough to have the patio doors open!

24. What'd you get for your birthday?
I haven't had a birthday since the year that there were too many birthday candles to fit on the birthday cake.

25. Name 3 people who will complete this.
Pass. I don't know any blogging insomniacs, who need something to help them to 'drop off' in the early hours. If any happen to be reading this, however .............. Oh! Too late! They've all dropped off.

26. Do you own slippers?
No. I don't like my feet to be constantly restricted. I buy cheap beach sandals from Primark, 4 pairs at a time, in the summer, so that I have enough to last me through the winter.

27. What shirt are you wearing?
I always blog topless.

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
I've never tried them, but I suspect I would slip out of bed, every time I tried to turn over. You would be lucky to find any satin sheets, these days, I think. Anyone putting 'satin look' polyester sheets on their bed, wouldn't be intending to do much sleeping on them, I suspect.

29. Can you whistle?
I can, believe it, or not! I have perfected the long, slow wolf whistle and I like to use it, when eyeing up nice young men from behind, in the High Street. When they turn around, they never suspect me, in a million years.

30. Favourite colors?
Black, navy blue, cerise.

31. Would you be a pirate?
No. The bandana would play havoc with my current hairstyle and the breeches aren't very flattering for a woman of my age. The parrot on the shoulder sounds like fun, though.

32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I know all of the songs, off by heart, from the Joni Mitchell album, 'Blue' and I sing as many of them as possible, whilst in the shower, with the bathroom window open. Don't you wish that you lived next door to me?

33. Favorite girl's name?
Plum. I just love all of these modern girls' name, don't you? Peaches, Apple, Moon Unit, Chastity etc. Will the names still seem suitable, when the females concerned are in their 80s, though? If I'd had a daughter, I might have called her Plum and she could then have changed her name to Prune, as soon as it seemed appropriate. It would also work with the name Grape, which could later become Raisin, but what could you call your daughter, Chastity, when she was obviously no longer chaste?

34. Favourite boy's name?
My 3 sons have my 3 favourite boys' names and one of those is my favourite boy's name.

35. What's in your pocket right now?
The only thing I wear, when blogging, is my glasses. Have I never mentioned that, before? Where are you all going? Don't you want to read the rest, then?

36. Last thing that made you laugh?
Victoria Wood performing at the Royal Albert Hall. I watched it on Sky, very recently. Her stand up routines are inspired, I feel. Not so keen on Dinner Ladies, though.

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
Certainly not those Bri-Nylon ones that my mother loved so much.

38. Worst injury you've ever had?
Grit's reply to this one reminded me that it would have been my episiotomy, when I had my eldest son. It took such a long time for the midwife to prepare to do the stitching, that the feeling had returned to the area concerned, by the time she started. It was 10 times worse than the labour and took almost as long. The nurse held my hand and I almost broke her fingers.

39. Do you love where you live?
I love the house and its position. I would wish for nosier neighbours. Can neighbours ever be too nosy? Never, in my opinion.

40. How many tvs do you have in your house?
Planning a burglary? We have 5.

41. Who is the loudest friend you have?
****. She knows who she is!

42. How many dogs do you have?
None. We wouldn't want to upset our 3 cats, who, incidentally, have the intelligence to move into the shade, when they get too hot lying in the sun.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
Yes. I've managed to attract the attention of the 95 year old billionaire, with a heart condition, who lives a few doors away. How have I managed to attract his attention? You mind your own business. All I've got to do now, is persuade him to change his will.

44. What is your favorite book?
How To Succeed At Blogging by N. O'Comments. I've read it several times, from cover to cover. It's been an inspiration.

45. What is your favorite candy?
I haven't eaten candy since I was in primary school.

46. Favorite Sports Team?
I suppose the England cricket team, since I discovered Flintoff and Monty Panesar.

47. What song do you want played at your funeral?
Agadoo by Black Lace. The wearing of tasteless shirts and soft leather-look pvc trousers will be optional, but joining in with the dance will be compulsory. No tears, please. I want to look down, or maybe up, if I go to the other place, and see everyone dancing in the aisles.

48. What were you doing at 12am last night?
Blogging - wasn't everyone?

49. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
I'd have tom cat's b******s, for waking me, yet again, by scratching up the carpet outside the bedroom door, if the vet hadn't already beaten me to it.

What's happened to number 50, then? What sort of questionnaire has an odd number of questions?

Okay. That's it, then. Have I gone too far, again? Are the blogging police coming to arrest me, or the meme police, or the men in white coats? Not all of them, surely? You're not going to delete my blog, are you? It was just a joke, honestly, it was!

It's All About Me!

I have been tagged by maggie may.

1. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post, the player tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, which should inform them that they've been tagged and that the details are on the player's blog.

This promises to be such a boring post, because I've led such a boring life. Do you have any parcel tape? If you do, I suggest you use it, at this point, to tape your eyes open.

What were you doing 10 years ago?

I was living in the same place as I am, now, with my husband and 3 sons. I had a highly paid part-time job, as a lap dancer, in a local nightclub.

Name 5 snacks you enjoy.

I never eat snacks.

If you were a billionaire, how would you spend the money?

I am a billionaire. I ensure that the financial needs of my family and friends are met. I don't live in a mansion. I don't wear designer clothes. I live modestly. I give a fair proportion of my wealth to charity, whilst still ensuring that enough money remains to provide for my husband and myself in our old age.

Name 5 jobs you have had.

I was a published author, by the age of 10, and a professional blues singer, by the age of 18. I have also been a fashion designer and a professional artist. My favourite job has been that of mother to my 3 sons.

Name 3 bad habits you have.

I don't have any bad habits, only good ones.

Name 5 places where you have lived.

USA, New Zealand, Canada, Japan and Australia.

Did I get you going there, for a moment? Bet you didn't drop off to sleep, did you? When did you suss me out? Sorry? When you got to the bit about me being a published author? Don't spare my feelings, will you? Don't be afraid to speak your mind! You didn't have any problem with the lap dancing, then?

Okay. Leave the parcel tape in place because I'm about to tell the truth.

10 years ago, I was living where I am today, with the same husband and 3 sons. I had 3 part-time jobs and the household tasks remained my responsibility, much to my disgust. My post 'A Woman's Dilemma' stemmed, partly, from my feelings, at that time.

5 snacks I enjoy are Waitrose's cashew nuts and giant pretzels, Nairns cheesy oatcakes, Hovis digestive biscuits and bananas. Any of the aforementioned companies, who are intent on sending me lorry loads of complimentary goods, should send them to my virtual address.

If I were a billionaire, I would pay for my father to have his second pacemaker fitted privately and today. (The first one isn't working.) I would buy my parents a bungalow, or pay for the desperately-needed alterations to their current home, if they didn't want to move again. I would also pay for them to have help with jobs around the house, as I live too far away to be of regular help to them. In addition, I would bribe the manager at their local Mecca bingo hall to let them win something, at least once a week!

I would arrange for my own house and garden to be moved elsewhere, within our country town, but to somewhere with a little more land. I would have new furniture and carpets, plus some new clothes. I would buy my husband a canal boat and ensure that other family and close friends received help with anything they needed. I would buy my sons their own houses in the Outer Hebrides and change the locks at my own house, as soon as they moved out. I might, or I might not, let them have details of our new address. I would try to boost the funds of some of the less popular charities.

5 jobs that I have had are - office assistant in hospital admin, clerical officer in the Civil Service, audio typist/word processor, admin assistant and wife plus mother. You might say that amounts to 6, I suppose. Okay, yes, the first 4 are just 4 different ways of saying that I worked in an office. So?

3 bad habits I have are - blogging, when I should be doing something else (like now), staying up into the early hours to blog and falling into a deep sleep, whilst on the 'phone to my mother, whenever she rings me after 9pm. (In the distance I suddenly hear her saying 'Mean mom, mean mom - are you still there?) I think that the last 2 may be related in some way.

I lived in 2 different locations in the Black Country and a village in Buckinghamshire, before I moved here. I have lived here for about 22 years, so I can't give you details of a fifth location, because there hasn't been one, so far.

The 5 people I would like to know more about are:

jules

mid-lifer

softinthehead

swearing mother and

grit

Can I hear someone snoring? It's very rude to fall asleep, whilst I'm still speaking, you know.

My Favourite Subject

I've discovered that I've been tagged at dusty spider's place. It's the one where I have to list 7 unusual/peculiar things about myself. Here is the easy bit:

1. I'm prone to exaggeration. Did I hear someone say that they'd gathered that?
   
2. I surprise my family and friends by driving at the speed limit in my old car, as opposed to 20 mph wherever, but only when conditions are favourable, obviously.
   
3. I've submitted some of my embroidery projects for publication and they have all been published.
   
4. I sunbathed topless in a hot country in my 20s.
   
5. Since reaching the age of 30, I am usually the only person on the beach to be fully clothed, as well as sporting a large hat and sunglasses, with a towel draped over my legs. Oh, have you spotted me?
   
6. I wore hot pants and very long black suede boots in the late 60s/70s.
   
7. In my late teens, early twenties, I sometimes went out looking like a bit of a strumpet. Sorry, was that the same one as before, but worded differently?

Is that it, then? I could have gone on for a lot longer. Next time could we have 500 things about me and just one person to tag? I'm not desperately interested in what anyone else has to say.

Now for the difficult bit. It would be much easier if I only had to tag one person. I've been out of touch for a while, so I don't know who to tag. I've taken a quick look round and I don't think the following people have been tagged yet, so here's my list.

grit

working mum

debra-in-france

farming-frenchstyle

mid-lifer

isadora

sweet irene

I apologise in advance if you have been tagged before, or if you really didn't want to join in with this sort of thing!