Saturday, 7 June 2008

1950s Virtual Birthday Party

Does anyone remember Joyce Grenfell? If you do, you will realise that this post has been inspired by her, to a certain extent.
Hi, girls and boys! Welcome to my 1950s birthday party! It doesn't matter if you don't have an invitation. Come on in and put your presents on the hall table. Now, I'm sorry, but you can't come in if you haven't brought a present! What? None of you have brought a present? Okay, then, just leave a tenner, in my best hat, on the hall table, as you leave.
It's great to see you girls in your lovely, nylon party frocks and you boys in your short trousers, and shirts and ties. The last time I saw legs like that, they had sparrows attached to them! No, you all look very smart, really. Right, let's sit over here, for a few minutes, whilst we play Pin the Tail on the Donkey. Who's that crying already? You're supposed to be pinning the tail on the picture of the donkey, on the wall, not on one of my favourite bloggers! Well, it's very rude of you to say that you thought she looked like a donkey. What a naughty blogger you are! Now, you can put that away! It's not polite to do that, either!
Right, let's have a game of musical chairs! You know what to do. When the music stops, sit on a chair and the one left without a chair is out.......... Now, who moved that chair, just as my favourite blogger was about to sit on it? Don't cry, dear! I'm sure that nobody saw your frilly knickers, when you fell on the floor. Well, he may have said that he did, but I know that he didn't. He's just teasing. I don't know who you are, young man, but I've told you that it's very rude to do that. Now, put it away!
Okay, let's have a nice quiet game of Sleeping Lions, before tea. Everybody lie down and keep still! Goodness me! What a lot of grunting, groaning and creaking! Is everybody down yet ? First one to fidget is out............... You're very quiet and still! It hadn't occurred to me, before, but it's much easier to keep quiet and still, when you're older, isn't it?
Okay, it's been 10 minutes, now, since anybody moved. WAKE UP! Oh, sorry! Didn't mean to startle you! Yes, alright, you can all have a prize.
Let's have something to eat, now! Follow me to the table and sit down quietly! There are some empty seats at the table. Who's missing? The older bloggers? Oh, here they come! They couldn't get up off the floor, but they've managed to drag themselves along on their arthritic elbows. That's it! Haul yourselves up and collapse on your chairs. Alright, don't forget to grunt, as you sit down! Oh, you didn't! That's good!

Now, we've got jam, salmon and spam sandwiches and cheese straws. Then, there's biscuits, cake, jelly and blancmange. There's Corona and Tizer pop to drink. What about your teeth? Oh, I see. Well, we didn't bother about teeth in the 50s. did we? We either had them filled, or we had them removed.

No fighting over the spam sandwiches, please! DON'T toss the bread to one side, after you've licked off the jam! The cheese straws are for eating, not for treading into the carpet! Young man, I don't want to have to tell you again. Put that away, please!
Will you 2 bloggers stop fighting and jostling my elbow? If I miss my mouth with this jelly, once more, I shall give you both a Chinese burn! Now, who's flicking blancmange up the walls? Okay, that's enough! Young man, I'm tired of telling you! Put that tongue back in your mouth, immediately!
Let's have a game of Pass the Parcel! Where did I put that parcel? Ah, here it is.
Now, girls, what are you up to? The boys don't want to play Kiss Chase! Why have you tied their legs together? Well, I can see that they've got no chance of getting away, but that's not fair, is it? Actually, who's that young, dark, handsome, muscular chap? Okay, untie all of them, except for him. I'm still looking for a gardener!
Whew, I'm exhausted! I can't do Pass the Parcel, until I've had a proper drink. There's some shandy in the kitchen........... Aaargh! Don't trample on me! Whatever is wrong with all of you?
Okay, I can't see much, yet, but I'm coming round, now. HOW DID I GET THAT MUDDY FOOTPRINT IN THE MIDDLE OF MY FACE?
Right, there's just time for a quick game of Hide and Seek, before you have to go home! Oh, you're already hiding, from the look of it..............
Okay, I've been looking for a few minutes, now, but I can't find anybody. Even my prospective gardener has managed to slip away. All I've found, so far, is a pile of empty bottles in the kitchen. Ah, here's a couple of birthday presents I must have missed! That's so nice! Some perfume sludge from grit, a jewellery roll from milla and a French stick, from debra. I can't see any difference between this French stick, and an English stick, to be honest. It looks like one of those that might have been lying around in my front garden! Thanks a lot, ladies! I'll save the perfume for the next time I go to a garden party, at The Palace, I'll keep the jewellery roll at the bottom of my deepest drawer and I'll use the stick to stop my cosmos falling over, in the summer storms.
Right, there's just the hall to check out now. At least I should have plenty of cash, in my hat, on the hall table. Okay, WHERE'S MY BEST HAT?


Frog in the Field said...

!!!!!!!!!!!!Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!!
I brought the beeyootiful Party Bags, each one personalised, of course!!
There's three for Grit and a really Posh one in case Dulwich Mum pops in. Swearing Mother has the F-word on hers, mine has a frog on, well of course I want one (pfft!)'ll sort them out.
Where shall I put this Tiramisu? I forgot to make the garlic bread, but brought this delicious Zucotto instead.
Fattening? Yes it's very fattening.
Dairy products? Yes it's full of fresh cream.
Suitable for Diabetics? No, loads of sugar.
Alcohol free? Nope, Cocunut Rum in it.
Nut free? Sorry, almonds and hazlenuts.
Yes, chocolate too..God! Just eat it and worry Later!!

Speech, Speech!!

Frog in the Field said...

"For she's a very mean Mom-my
For she's a very mean mom-my
for she's a very mean mo-om-meeeeee!!
And so say all of us!!!

Mean Mom said...

frog in the field - Oh, how I love all of this attention! Thanks so much for the party bags and for the delicious food! I won't need to eat for a week! You sing so well! I couldn't help but notice that you hiccoughed, however. Was that a clue as to where all of shandy went?

Frog in the Field said...

Sorryth, Milla dared me to drinkth ith hic!

Maggie May said...

Happy Birthday! I just LOVE Joyce Grenfell.
It was a great party! Pity about that chap with the tongue though! Who WAS he? Better not tell!
Gosh, those sandwiches look lovely!. AND I was up off the floor as quick as a flash! It was certainly not me who was dawdling to the table. Hope you liked the small mammal that I left in a box in the hall ;-)

Mean Mom said...

frog - She did, did she? Wait until I catch up with her! Now, as for you, if milla dared you to jump off a cliff, would you do so? Sit yourself down and have some black coffee, before you go home!

maggie - Thanks! If you follow the Joyce Grenfell link, her 'George, don't do that' monologue is shown there. It looks as if there are others, too. Well, thanks for the small mammal! I blamed it on the cats. I wondered how they'd got it into the box.

blogthatmama said...

Happy Birthday to you Mean Mom! Very much enjoyed the party, particularly eating the whole of the lurid pineapple on top of the blancmange, hope I'm not sick in the car on the way home! Sorry, thought the hat was a party bag, never mind there wasn't much in it, really. Have a fab day blogthatmamax

Lehners in France said...

I wasn't invited, so I nicked the hat! Teeheee. You can take the girl out of Liverpool.......
Happy birthday, I hope you have a great day
Debs x

Bollinger Byrd said...

So do we get a party bag, and if we do, I want the boys one with the toy gun I don't want any sniffy doll.
And can we play sardines, and spin the bottle later.
Have a great birthday.

Mean Mom said...

lehners in france - I would have invited you, if only I'd realised that you wanted to come! I did say that no invite was needed though, didn't I? Anyway, you are more than welcome here, anytime. Oh, now I'm grovelling. Let's not overdo it! Now, about my hat. I made a special trip to Primark, for that and paid more than usual for it.....

Thanks for coming and for birthday wishes. I have to come to your site now, of course. You'll soon be sorry that you encouraged me!

Mean Mom said...

blogthatmama - Sorry about the blancmange. It was a bit sweet, wasn't it? Now, about the hat..... It was my favourite, you know and it was VERY expensive.....

Thanks for your birthday wishes!

bollinger byrd - I used to like boys toys, too! Loved my guns and always wanted a model railway.

Yes, looking forward to sardines and spin the bottle! Hoping to have a good day, thanks!

Frog in the Field said...

They're all generic, I thought you'd be happy I brought them, if I'd known there would be this much trouble I wouldn't have bothered! No,, stop looking inside every one, there all the same I tell you!
you get a bag when you leave and not before

Mean Mom, you really need to calm things down a bit, the shandy is obviously too strong, it went straight to my head, if this noise level continues the police will be called round!!

Frog in the Field said...

I'm going to a physical 40th party now, taking my two real puddings that I virtually brought to your,
We're having pass the parcel, twister and I required to cook a curry while I'm there!
have a great day!

Liz said...

Thank you for having me. I will give you your present next time I see you. My mummy told me off for bringing it home but I wanted to keep it for myself because it is soooooo good.

I have to go now. That muscular young lad and me are about to play doctors and nurses and I'm going to show him how to give a bed bath.

(Have a wonderful birthday - you have lots of new posts. I'll have to come back later and have a good read.)

Working mum said...

Ive come this time 'cause I've already got the babysitter!

Liked Sleeping Lions best! Spam sandwiches had a bad effect on me though..........excuse me!

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Happy Birthday to youoooo... Thanks you ever so much for a lovely party - I'm puffed out now from all that jiving and stuff. The jelly was my favourite. M xx

Mean Mom said...

frog - You're right, those party bags are causing quite a lot of excitement. We're OK with the police, though. They always enjoy my parties!

What do you mean, you're going to a real birthday party, now? You're not allowed to have a better time than me, on my birthday, you know! Come back with those puddings!

liz - I can't believe it! You're all making off with my stuff! Bring my present back and my 'bit of stuff'!

Thanks for your birthday wishes! See you next time, then!

working mum - I had to laugh at my student son, just a second ago. He was trying to read my blog, over my shoulder, and said 'Doesn't she ever work, then, working mum? She can't do, cos she's always on your blog!' He manages to read more than I thought, over my shoulder, then!!

I bet you did enjoy Sleeping Lions! Did you catch up with some sleep? Sorry about the spam. Even the word brings back bad memories, to be honest. Cheers! Husband has just poured me a glass of wine. Just pouring one for you.

Mean Mom said...

a mother's place - Oh, that was so tuneful! Thanks! Why could I never jive? Could you give me lessons? Jelly is my favourite, too! Haven't had any for years!

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Okay seen as blogger deleted ny comment here is what I sort of said.........

Happy birthday meanie....I brought you a hoola hoop for your present. You'll thank me in years to come as it's great for the waist. I just kicked that boy in the balls because he pulled the chair away from me when I was playing musical chairs and I fell down all legs akimbo lil and showing my best frilly knickers.

BBBuuuuuurrrrrppppp! Oops sorry all that Tizer and shandy. I'm off....Does anyoe like my hat? - it's new y'know....Christ where is everyone? Where did everyone go? See ya meanie, have a good one!

Mean Mom said...

mob - Thanks for coming back. The hula hoop is great, as mine was only recently taken to the dump, without my permission! The only thing that annoys me about my hat is that you look better in it than I do! All the more reason to get it back, I think!

Nice frilly knickers, BTW!

Lehners in France said...

Jeeze MOB, ye robbed me feckin hat that I robbed first. I did fill it with jelly though. Bebs x

Milla said...

Hi, Meanie, thanks for asking me and how clever of you to work out that it's a jewelley roll lurking beneath thrice-used paper. Off to steal some cherry tizer, yum. xx

Rose said...

What a fun party! Thanks for inviting me! Oh, that's right, you didn't; I just tagged along with Liz. Those were my knees you heard creaking when we got down on the floor, but at least I was able to get back up without any help.

Just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I had an "un-birthday" yesterday. What's an "un-birthday", you ask? Well, I refuse to add one more year to my age, so I decided if I didn't celebrate in anyway, it didn't count. Your day sounds like much more fun--enjoy!

auntiegwen said...

Happy Birthday Mean Mom
I've bought you St Trinians on DVD, the original and the new version.
Love from your
auntiegwen xxxxx

Nora said...

We didn't behave very well, did we? All that creaking and stomping and grabbing and taking off with the money. I am sure that's not the kind of birthday party you had in mind. It was ever so much uncivilized. Especially the boys behaved very badly.

Well, happy birthday to you anyway. Could you, next time, fry up the Spam in some butter in the frying pan and then put it on a sandwich? I like it better that way.

Robin said...

Happy Happy birthday Mean Mom! Thanks for inviting me to the party, can we play drop the clothes pins in the bottle, pleeeeeezzz! And I didn't get any ice cream with my cake, how can I eat my cake with no ice cream...

(I thought I would bring you some wine [whine] for the party. Don't worry Debs there is plenty for all.)

Mean Mom said...

lehners in france - What is it with you and mob? You are bad girls, but very fun! Jelly in mob's hair is quite becoming. Hope you can run, though!

milla - Yes, I saw the jewellery roll coming and I think that I may get a little more use out of the paper. It may even be the same jewellery roll I gave to you, a while ago. When's your birthday, again?

Tizer! Scary! I do remember drinking that stuff. I may be paying for it now, of course.

rose - It's always a pleasure to have a new visitor and I'm glad that you tagged along. Yes, birthdays are no longer much of a novelty, when you've had a few. I have to pause and think, these days if someone asks me how old I am. It's nice to have a birthday on a Saturday, though, when everyone is around!

auntiegwen - Thanks! Oh, St Trinians. The original brings back some memories! Fairly innocent times, compared with today!

nora - Not much good behaviour, but it would have been a very boring party, if everyone had behaved! You can always rely on the boys to misbehave, anyway!

I know what to do with the leftover spam, now, then. That sounds OK, actually.

It's been a good day so far, anyway. The only problem I've had, has been with blogger!

Mean Mom said...

robin - Well, OK, you can play drop the clothes pins in the bottle, if you must! Oh, no! I forgot the icecream! Just running to the shop! Won't be a minute!

Thanks for the whine!

Edward said...

Very, very happy birthday, and thanks for visiting me. It's my dear brother's 50th birthday today, but he's not having a party so I'll come to yours instead. I think we've got some candles somewhere as a present....

Mean Mom said...

edward - Thank you. That's kind. Virtual parties are my favourite sort, believe it or not! The candles are such a nice thought, but there will never be enough, you know! Happy birthday to your brother!

aims said...

Happy Happy Happy Birthday!

I've had such a fantastic time here today Mean Mom and my headache proves it!

I'm sorry about riding the donkey around and taking a whack at the crystal chandelier. You know I was thinking it was something else entirely!

And I'm sorry about the mess I made of the cake. But hey! I'm allergic to flour and once those moods take over...well - uh....
I do get a wee bit jealous of no cake for me. I do. So sorry I smeared it over everyone and screamed like a banshee. Truly - I am.

I usually know how to behave better - but the party was just too much fun and I let loose.

Woohoo! Let's do it again! Your parties are the greatest!

Mean Mom said...

aims - Thanks! I could see that you were having a good time and I'm still having a great time! You certainly have no problem letting yourself go! I'm trying to think of an excuse for the next virtual party!

Grit said...

happy happy birthday mean mom! it was a great party and i'm sorry about the perfume, but let's face it, it was either that or the home-made floral tribute which looks like a funeral wreath. now, would you mind if i took home some sandwiches for the gritlets? and a bit of the cake, or what's left of it, and three blancmanges, just to save me cooking tonight, you understand, oh, and i could relieve you of a bottle of tizer. and crisps! have you got any crisps? a couple of bags would do nicely! hey, look, there's elvis under your front room table. so that's where he's been hiding!

MissKris said...

My word! I was very early on my premature birthday wishes, wasn't I?! LOL! I just checked the clock on Suburbia's site and I am indeed 8 hours behind you. So now your birthday is close to being over with! But Happy Birthday again, my dear! (((((HUG)))))

MissKris said...

PS...I'd love to add you to my list of links. I dunno your real first name, tho...or would you just like me to add you as Mean Mom? If you don't mind me using your real first name, please email it to me:


Suburbia said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY Mean Mom, I just got your invite (thank you SO much!)but I'm a bit late and it appears everyone has already gone home! So if you don't mind I'll just rummage throught the leftovers and snaffle some crumbs and be on my way! (no pride at all you see!) And if I'm still hungry I could help you with that little box of chocs I brought with me!

Hope you had a great day x

Oh no there's no party bags left boo hoo.....
OK who's nicked mine? Come on, own up now!

merry weather said...

-The door was open Mean Mom, so I just came in. Hey what's going on in here? There's no food left! I thought it was an evening do - sigh! Still the music's great - let's party!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I forgot to mention that - I've left some choccies for you in the hall, along with the card.

By the way, there are some Hell's Angels parking up on the front lawn. You have the coolest friends...!

Mean Mom said...

grit - Thanks! I'm getting used to the perfume, you know. It's not too bad at all! Oh, please, take whatever food you fancy!

Elvis? I wouldn't mind in the least if I found the young, Jailhouse Rock, Elvis under my table. I would strongly object if I found the older, jump suit, Elvis under my table, however, and would have the police remove him!

Mignon said...

Happy Birthday Mean Mom,
Thank for letting me join your party. I have to say I am not familiar with the food but I do enjoy span. But don't tell anyone here in the US. They will eewwww me for sure. I think I may have left my sunglasses there I put them down to chase the boy's so if you spy them, text or ring me and let me know. Your Awesome.

Mean Mom said...

misskris - I was blogging last night, when I should have been in bed, and I nearly fell off my chair, when I saw I had a comment! I just totally forget, that some people are from other countries and, therefore, in different time zones!

Thanks for the hug. Sending one to you and I would be thrilled to be on your link list. Please call me Mean Mom! It is essential that I remain an international woman of mystery! Don't forget that a picture of my bottom has been circulated world wide and I have some rather dubious people visiting my site, apparently (See last post)!!

suburbia - Glad you were able to make it! You're welcome to any food left over, of course! Oooh! Chocs! Well, OK, then. Maybe I can spare one. Not that one, though. That's my favourite!

No party bags? Just a minute! I'm sure frog won't mind driving over again, to bring some more!

merry weather - You're very welcome! The music is a nice change. I'm just looking for some more. I don't see why we shouldn't party for a while longer! Thanks for the birthday wishes and the chocs, of course.

Hells Angels? OK. Now, I'm scared!

Mean Mom said...

mignon - Great to have you call by! Hope you are OK! Thanks for your birthday good wishes! I've had a lovely relaxing day. Will watch out for your sunglasses!

Debra in France said...

Hi Mean Mom, I had a brilliant time, thanks for inviting me. I am really sorry I was sick on the carpet after swigging all your babychams, I guess I shouldn't have played Simon Says after drinking them all! I ate all my party bag goodies in the car on the way home. I hope your liked your present - the complete set of Enid Blyton 'Mallory TOwers' series, they'll be collectable one day. Great party Debra xxx

Mean Mom said...

debra - So glad you had a good time! So did I! Aaah! Babycham! What memories! Those Babycham glasses. I suppose they qualify as 'kitsch', these days, but I thought they were great. I blamed the cat for being sick on the carpet.

Thanks for the books. It's been a long time since I read Mallory Towers and how very astute of you to realise that I used to be an Enid Blyton fan. Maybe everyone was. Not as much choice in those days. I've remained an escapist, of course! Now what time is Miss Marple on, tonight?

Maggie May said...

I left my party bag in your hall and now I can't find it. Got all the way home & had to turn back. You must have cleared it up. Everything got a bit out of hand didn't it? Any chance of another one? Only it wasn't my fault that some one nicked it. can't go home with out a party bag.
What your cat killed the rat? I am now informing the RSPCA.

scrappysue said...

happy birthday! thanks for throwing such a great party! i particularly liked the dainty sandwiches and the party games!

the music was great too!

enjoy your party!

Mean Mom said...

maggie may - Fortunately, frog drove all the way back with some more party bags, so you can have another! Sorry about the rat.

scrappy sue - Great to hear from you! Glad you enjoyed the party and thanks for calling by!

Robin said...

Mean Mom, don't make us wait another year for another party!

Frog in the Field said...

Right, if anyone doesn't have a party bag, come over to mine and tell me, I'll email a virtual one to you, I've never seen so much squabbling!!

Mean Mom said...

robin - I think I must try to think of an excuse for another party, but first of all, I must catch up on the missed sleep caused by this one!!

frog - What a relief that you can sort out everyone's party bags! I was at risk of becoming really worried about them, as opposed to only virtually worried! Whew!

Frog in the Field said...

Well, it's my pleasure!

Mean Mom said...

frog - Your presence was much appreciated. Thanks for the party bags!

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

What a fantastic party! Sorry I missed it. Many happy returns, though. I'll be there for next year's.

Mean Mom said...

wakeup - How are you? Good to hear from you. Thanks for dropping in. I'll make sure that you don't miss the next party!

Jules said...

And I coming back here just to make a point....... this post WILL take me...... after being virtually tossed and banished the last time I tried. I'm determined to be at this do.

So here we go (big breath here)

*H*A*P*P*Y* *B*I*R*T*H*D*A*Y*

Mean Mom said...

jules - Thanks you so much for being persistent! Do you have a problem with commenting on my site? These unexpected, frustrating things are really annoying, sometimes, aren't they? Quite often, when I visit your site, I can't leave it, and I have to close down my internet connection totally! I can't imagine why that should be. Thanks for your happy birthday wishes!

Maggie May said...

Where are you? Often think about the laughs we had.
Maggie x Nuts in May

Mean Mom said...

I've replied on your site - sorry it's a bit late. I havent signed in for a couple of years. Lots of family problems I'm afraid. Each year seems to get worse, unfortunately.