Tuesday, 3 June 2008

The Cautious Blogger

Warning: This post contains some slightly saucy references!

Do I have your attention, by any chance?

I was a careful and cautious blogger when I first set up my site. I was inspired, by Wife in the North, as many of us were, when I read an article about her, in a magazine. I loved essay writing, as a youngster (This explains why most of my posts are so long, then!) and decided that writing again, on a blog, might be rewarding and fun.

I searched through loads of sites, looking for some blogging friends. I found plenty of abandoned sites, a few others which had been filled up with spam, a lot which didn't seem to want visitors, and some, with so many buttons and bells, that I could hardly find the content. Whilst searching for some 'down to earth' bloggers, that I could have a laugh with, it is true to say that I came across quite a few bloggers with their heads firmly stuck up their own arses. I avoided them. It was bad enough, sometimes, being forced to deal with them in the course of my ordinary life, without seeking them out on the Internet!

Eventually, I found a few people through Wife in the North's blogroll and comments. I remained cautious, however. I wanted to try and avoid problems, if possible. I made sure that my comments were monitored, and that no-one had the opportunity to fill up my site with spam. I didn't venture very far, from my little corner.

After an enforced break, of a few months, due to illness and Christmas preparations, I resumed posting and became a little bit braver. I linked to a few more people and commented on a few more sites. You could say that I 'put myself about a little bit more'! The traffic, on my site, increased a little and I began to take some interest in Site Meter, which I had installed, not long after starting my blog. I soon discovered that the searches were the most interesting section of the stats! I was amazed to discover what people searched for on the Internet. I was also amazed, sometimes, that Google, or whatever search engine, threw up my site as being relevant! I could see, however, that the reason why my site appeared on so many questionable searches, was due to the 'middle-aged mom' portion of the title. Who would have thought it? Not me, that's for sure!

I wish, now, that I had kept a record of all of the funny searches, which appeared on my Site Meter, but, unfortunately, I didn't, so I can only share a few of the most recent ones with you. I suppose I should say, at this point, that anyone who has visited my site, due to a questionable search, should not panic. I can't trace you and wouldn't wish to, to be honest! The following searches have been listed on my Site Meter, over the past few weeks:
  1. moms open wide
  2. hot over-aged moms
  3. middle aged hot mommies
  4. middle age women photos rough (My site was on page 2, of that one. I can't be that rough, then.)

The most common search I've found, routinely, has been for 'aged mom', which may not be particularly remarkable, in itself, but I've found it in various languages, which has baffled me, to a certain extent. I've found this particular search on Google in French, Spanish, Japanese, some sort of Arabic language and 2 languages, which I couldn't even recognise. Whenever I see the page for 'aged mom' appear, I try very hard not to look at the description of the first site on the page, even though my eyes are oddly drawn towards it! It's a bit of a shocker and I keep my cursor well away from it, just in case! If you are of a sensitive nature, I don't think you should look, at all, to be honest! If you are curious, search Google for 'aged mom'. It should be a web search, as opposed to a UK search. No clicking on that first site and don't forget to come back! Bad bloggers!

Some other searches have appeared on Site Meter, where I couldn't see my site mentioned, so I can only assume that it was mentioned several pages further on. These have included:

  1. aged big moms
  2. I have a crush on a patient's mother
  3. mommy beach pee blog
  4. middle aged hot and wet
  5. naked, middle-aged females

All I can say, is that I must have had more disappointed visitors than I could ever have anticipated!

I once found my entire blog, translated into French, using Google Translate, I assumed. I only studied French for about 18 months, so I've no idea how close a translation it was. The title was Moody Moyenne D'Age Moyen Maman. Maybe my posts made more sense in French!

I also found a search from blogged.com and bloguzz.com, which turned out to be a Spanish site, with a section of English blogs. Each blog had a rated page and a graph, but it meant nothing to me, because I couldn't understand it! I was slightly disturbed, however, to find that the post featured on my index page was the one entitled My Best Side, which showed a photo' of me, bending over in the garden. Oh, dear! The careful and cautious blogger, who was under the impression that she was, somewhat quietly, blogging away in her little corner, suddenly became aware that pictures of her bottom could well be appearing all over the world. Hmmm .......

It's all my own fault, of course, and I don't really mind sharing my best backside photo' with the rest of the world. After all, it's a comical one, not a pornographic one, and I don't think that anyone would ever recognise me, from that angle! They wouldn't would they?

Anyway, how about you? Do you have Site Meter, or anything similar? Have you found any searches, which made you laugh, or gasp with horror? I would love to know!


Mom of Three said...

Oh. My. Word! Your search terms are SO much more interesting than mine, though I do check out my site meter every so often and get a chuckle. I did a post on it a long time ago, but some recent ones include: the fattest elephant (I have NO idea what post this was from), best blog titles (this one is a popular one), and home school friends. But I've had things like "the KKK" and stuff that I have NO idea what it linked to.

You have me SO beat!

Maggie May said...

Well, that was seriously funny!!!
You also know that I am not too good with gadgets! So I can't really say who reads me. Except I have the free neon counter which I only have the use of for about 12 hours now as I won't sign up & pay for it. That only states where the people are coming from, which countries. That is in its self is interesting & I have had readers from some unusual countries who have visited me just the once! I wonder why they came to me. Was it by accident? Was it so awful they never came again? Some have come from far flung places more than once so they must want more! Unless it is a different person from that country that only came the once & read it & ran off or didn't even stop to read!
Now I am writing a post! Sorry!

Mean Mom said...

mom of three - LOL! LOL again! 'the KKK'? No idea! Bet someone will know. Let's wait and see. Thanks for commenting.

maggie may - Yes, we all have the same questions, then! Are you writing a post about your stats etc? If so, I can't wait to read it, to be honest, but I feel that way about all of your posts, of course. That was close. Nearly dug myself into a hole, there! Good thing we're friends.

I was slightly worried about publishing this post, to be honest, but it's been at the back of my mind for a while. Hope no-one is offended.

Robin said...

I am slightly addicted (okay completly addicted) to checking out the information on google analytics. I mean I am an engineer and this is data. LOL

I love looking at the location map, I have one hit from the middle of China. Also I finally got a hit from Australia, all I need is one from South America and Antartica and I will have covered every continent.

aims said...

Ewwwww!! You made me look! I didn't click on it - but I did do the search! Ewwww!

Most of my searches are for my father's funeral. Variations include not going to my father's funeral - or what to say at my father's funeral. People just don't know I guess.

Working mum said...

What a collection! LOL! You do know that it will increase the number of people arriving at you blog looking for 'naked, middle aged females', don't you?

I have sitemeter, but to be honest I don't look at it. I just like my little band of bloggy friends that visit me.

Now, thanks to your post, I'm a little scared to look at sitemeter and find out why people are coming to my blog. Perhaps ignorance is bliss?

Suburbia said...

I still haven't worked out how to get a site meter but it sounds such fun!!
Give me a clue to the 'aged mom' one! I can't bring myself to google!

Mean Mom said...

robin - That's impressive! I don't often look at the map bit. I certainly haven't covered every continent, though, I'm sure.

aims - The site description is creepy, isn't it? Best not to think about it too much!

Not too many laughs in your searches, then.

working mum - Oh dear! I shall lose a lot of sleep, now, worrying about all those poor people searching my site, in vain, for pictures of naked middle-aged females!

It's fairly important, I think, to remember that any creep could be hanging about on our sites at any time. We are only fooling ourselves, if we believe that we are happily blogging away in our own private community. A friend of mine has 2 grown-up daughters, who use Facebook as a means of 'keeping up' with friends. One of her daughters was approached in the local gym, by some man who had seen her on Facebook and felt that he therefore had the right. I don't think that I would want anything like that to happen to me. I do hope that no-one ever approaches me and says that they recognise my bottom from the picture on my blog!!!

Mean Mom said...

suburbia - If you click on my Site Meter, you will go to the website and you can have a look round, and sign up for one, if you want. The basic one, which I have, is free and doesn't give you an enormous amount of information. The other one, gives a bit more info, apparently, but you have to pay.

A clue about the 'aged mom' search. Hmmm .... The title of the site is more or less the same as the search. The description contains a word starting with 'p' and ending with 'y', which is repeated several times, with various different adjectives in front of it!

blogthatmama said...

Blimey, last of the famous international mean moody middle aged moms... The thought of my bottom having a global audience would put me in therapy and keep me in my long winter fleeces all year round. Great blog.

Mean Mom said...

blogthatmama - I seem to have achieved a certain notoriety. It's not so bad a long as no-one knows who I am. I'm glad you liked the blog. Humour is such a personal thing. I thought that the searches were funny, but I wasn't totally sure that anyone else would.

Bollinger Byrd said...

Weirdly I look at the paths that people have come from. And spend happy minutes trying to guess if any of the collection of letters and numbers is anyone I know.... The words get a life spring to mind here!!

Mean Mom said...

bollinger byrd - Yes, I know what you mean. Why do some just come up as letters and numbers? It's so mysterious! I just tend to wonder why people come along, but don't comment. I sort of assume that there are some people who come along regularly, but don't ever comment. It's difficult to tell.

Grit said...

i have only recently succumbed to the charms of a meter, and one of my first visitors came to me with the search 'how do you get limescale off a plughole'.

Mean Mom said...

grit - LOL! Not as titillating as mine, then!

auntiegwen said...

Oh I want one of those now although I would be slightly worried what I ve been mithering on about over the last 18 months !!!!

Mean Mom said...

auntiegwen - Oh, I wouldn't worry too much! No-one has to come back, if they don't want to! Click on mine, if you fancy one!

merry weather said...

I'm just chuckling over the thought of discovering your own bum has been travelling far and wide across the internet. Ah, bless it MM!! So funny!

Well, no, I have nothing so shocking to report. Sadly :(

I shall to have insert some interesting phrases and see... but then again, perhaps not. I'm a sensitive soul!

Right, I'm off to make that "aged" search!

Mean Mom said...

merry weather - What a relief that everyone seems to find the searches as funny as I do. Yes, it was a bit of a surprise to find my bottom on the Spanish website!

MissKris said...

I came looking for your virtual birthday party but it isn't here...or am I so brain dead this evening I'm not seeing it, ha?! No matter what, happy happy birthday to you!!!! It seems like most of my links that I find on my site meter come from the titles I've used for my blog entries...like "lime in the coconut and call me in the morning!" Have you ever Googled yourself by your screen name? I show up all over the place on that one, especially from back in my Bravenet blog days when I had a lot of computer time before I began caring 10 hours per day for my first grandson. I used to visit around to a lot of blogs and leave comments, and I had a lot of Bravenet members come by mine as well. Now I'm taking care of TWO grandsons and have even less time, so I'm sure my screen name will dwindle away to nothing one of these years, haha! I do find it interesting that I still get a lot more traffic to my Bravenet site, considering I haven't written on there since December. Last month I had almost 15,000 visitors there, whereas here at Blogger it's slowly and steadily growing, but NOTHING like over at the other one. I'm suspecting about 13,500 of it was spam tho! ;-P

Mean Mom said...

misskris - You are as bad as me! What are you still doing up at this time? It won't be worth me going to bed, if I don't go soon!

Thanks for your birthday wishes. The birthday post will be published later today, hopefully, anyway. Hope you can come back and I'm sure that your visitor numbers will soon begin to mount up.

Debra in France said...

Hi Mean Mom, you are so much technical than I am. I don't even know what a Site Meter is! I still loved reading you post even if I didn't understand it!

Looking forward to the birthday party later! Thank you for the invite. Debra xx

Mean Mom said...

debra - Site Meter is quite a good site. If you fancy one - they're not difficult to install. Honest!

Glad you enjoyed the post! Don't forget to come back for the party!

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Well Mom, I've got site Meter too, but never get anything as exciting (?) as yours. Boo Hoo - I think. M :-)

Mean Mom said...

a mother's place - It was a while before it occurred to me, that a lot of people probably didn't get funny searches on their sites, so I thought it would be a good idea to share them!

MissKris said...

Ah...but remember, Mean Mom...here in Portland, Oregon, I think I'm either 8 or 10 hours behind you! I was in bed at 8 pm. last nite, haha!

Mean Mom said...

misskris - Oh, of course! You're not in this country! That was far too much for me to cope with, in the early hours!