Tuesday, 12 August 2008

Sprung!

I'm free, at last, and it's all thanks to you lot!

On hearing of my plight, as detailed in my last post, debra in france felt so sorry for me, that she kindly decided to instigate a rescue mission, as I languished helplessly in the Tower. It began with jules sending me a cake, containing a saw and a tiara. The cake was extremely tasty and I felt that the tiara was most becoming, having been designed by wakeupandsmellthecoffee, and spelling out the words 'Queen of Bloggers' in sparkling diamonds, or was it diamante?

Last night, after several weeks of working with the saw, I finally succeeded in sawing through the bars of my cell. I donned my tiara, so that, at first glance, I would appear rather regal and slipped past the guards, whilst they were busy sharing out the money, which rose had collected from you lot, in the vain hope that I would be granted bail. I quickly headed for the library, where dusty spider had assured me I would find a means of escape. Following her instructions, closely, I quickly located the book she mentioned by Buster Gut. Sure enough, as I twisted the book around, a secret door revealed itself and I found myself in a dark, dank tunnel. Feeling my way through the tunnel, whilst brushing spiders from my hair, I recalled dusty spider's warning, and narrowly avoided a couple of booby traps.

On emerging into the grounds, I bashed the first guard over the head, with my royal handbag, as suggested by suburbia, and headed for the gates. I soon spotted a second guard, but he was cunningly distracted by fire byrd (formerly known as bollinger byrd) falling over a couple of the royal corgis, whilst I ran behind him. I was able to slip past a third guard, as working mum presented him with a petition for my release.

The mother of this lot, having taken up her position knitting, under the pretence of awaiting my execution, strolled up to a fourth guard and used her powers of persuasion (honed by many years of living with the father of this lot) to talk him into allowing me to pass. A further 2 guards grabbed me, as I sped past them, but they were quickly frightened off by scrappy sue's shouts of 'Unhand her, you officious guards!' I finally ran through the gates just as my knight in shining armour, sent by aims, galloped into view.

A small pantomime followed as I tried to mount the horse. They're rather large, close to, aren't they? I'd never ridden a horse, before, of course. The only one I ever came across in the heart of the west midlands, where I spent the first 3 decades of my life, was the one who pulled the milkman's cart. Anyway, back to the plot!

Eventually, the knight in shining armour clambered down from his lofty position and gave me a bit of a 'bunk up'. This was a bit of a thrill, after my long, lonely weeks of incarceration. After a jolly exciting ride (tee hee!), I finally spotted my loyal and faithful friend, dusty spider, waiting for me, on the river, in her boat. She waved and beckoned me to hurry, but, suddenly, the knight lost control of his horse, who reared up, throwing me to the ground. The horse galloped away, with the knight clinging to his neck, as I lay, too exhausted and weak to move.

I became dimly aware of a figure, by the side of me, helping me to my feet. To my relief, I saw that it was robin. Her dogged determination had finally paid off. After several weeks of trying, she had at last succeeded, in obtaining a passport, booking a flight and finding a sitter for her children, so that she could help out with my rescue! Robin supported me, as I limped the last few yards to the boat. I stumbled aboard, as dusty spider started the engine and, with a quick wave to robin, we were finally heading for home. As dusty expertly steered the boat down the river, she explained to me that softinthehead had sent her apologies, because, in spite of a valiant effort, she had been unable to arrive in time to help with my rescue. I frowned, in a rather puzzled fashion, as I stared into the distance and spotted my knight in shining armour, riding into the sunset. He had resumed control of his horse and he appeared to have gained a female passenger, who was clinging to him rather too tightly, I thought. She reminded me of someone. Hmmm...

In no time at all, I was home and safe. A mother's place is in the wrong had led you all in prayers for my safe-keeping. They had been answered. I had kept my head and what's more, I was home in time to decorate the hall, stairs and landing before the winter set in. Hurrah!!

Since my return, I've been dabbling on Ebay, as suggested by suburbia. Anybody want to buy a tiara? It's got real diamonds - honest!


Any strangers visiting my site, should read the previous post and the comments associated with it, if they would like to gain a little insight into why and how the above post was constructed. I should warn them that the reason why, may still prove rather puzzling, however!

40 comments:

softinthehead said...

Phew such a relief - I have been soooo worried - actually I was just sulking with comment envy - 69 comments !!!! 69 .....sigh

scrappysue said...

whew! what an adventure! and so many maidens in shining armour assisted with your rescue! it surely was a team effort! now PLEASE try and stay out of trouble - i'm a bit busy this weekend and may not be able to get out and assist!!!

Mean Mom said...

softinthehead - OK. Now you can relax, then. How's my knight? I'm sure it was you on the back of that horse. You can't fool me, you know! Comments? Don't forget some of them are my own!


scrappysue - Decorating is keeping me out of mischief, at the moment, unfortunately. It can't last forever, though, surely?

Working mum said...

Glad you're back! Bopping him on the head with the petition must have done it!

Hall, stairs and landing, eh? I'm very jealous.

Mud in the City said...

Phew. I'm feeling out of breath just reading that!

By the way - does your knight have any eligible friends rattling around? Just a thought!

Mean Mom said...

working mum - It's great to be back! I love the way that you lot join in with my silliness! Very little phases you, it seems and it's just great.

Now, why are you jealous of my hall, stairs and landing? Has yours collapsed or do you live in a bungalow? I seem to remember that you are doing up an old house. Maybe you just wish you were at the stage, where you could start on your hall etc, then? Tip: A Dulux paintpod may be worth considering, if you intend to paint a lot of walls.


mud in the city - Welcome to you! When I started my blog, I intended to use it, as most people do, as an online diary. What on earth happened?

I suspect that my knight has been snaffled. I shall be having stern words with someone about that. If I can find another, I will ask him if he has a friend, for you and then we can make up a foursome. Excuse me. I think it is time for another dose of my medication.

Rose said...

I am so glad you managed to escape--I have been worried about you! I wish now I had booked a flight and come over to participate in the actual rescue, rather than just try to collect bail money. My life has been pretty boring lately--I could have used a little daring adventure like this to get the adrenaline going.
Rather disappointed in the knight, though...I guess chivalry really is dead.

Suburbia said...

SO glad to have you back! I can't wait for the next exciting adventure :)

Robin said...

Mean Mom, it was such a relief to see you. I was afraid you had caught the dreaded dungeon cough. Be sure to get some sun, you looked so pale.

Mean Mom said...

rose - So many people came up with ideas for my rescue, that I just couldn't resist weaving them into a story. I hope that it's all helping to keep my brain active!

It's fair to say that I've come across a few disappointing knights in my life.


suburbia - It's so good to be back amongst you all, again. Oh dear! What have I started? These adventures really take it out of me, at my age, you know!


robin - Now, it's funny that you should mention the cough. I just haven't been right since I had that chest infection and you're right - I am so pale. I am in need of rest and recuperation, obviously.

Irene said...

Such escapades to ensure your safe release. I gladly would have joined in the rescue had I known it was coming up so quickly, unbeknown to me, it has all been planned in the wee hours of the night while I was having my beauty sleep. I am so glad you are free at last and ready to bestow your kind and witty words upon us once again. It will no longer be a fruitless activity to come by here. Still, I never lost hope and that is important. I kept the faith.

Mean Mom said...

irene - Thanks for having faith in me. I was a bit unsure whether I would be remembered, after my few unplanned weeks absence. I am gradually catching up with everyone elses's news, but it's taking a while and I was very late going to bed last night!

auntiegwen said...

hey sweetie

glad you're back xx

Jules said...

Yay and double yay! You're back. Did you remember to check to see if your knight knew of any able-bodied gardeners? Just checking.

Your hat sends its best by the way.

Maggie May said...

Wondered what you'd been up to. See you were having quite an adventure! Unfortunately, I was offline & missed it.
Never mind, knowing you, there will be many others!

Mean Mom said...

auntiegwen - Oooh, thanks!


jules - Knights, gardeners, hats - don't mention them. I just can't seem to hold on to anything!


maggie may - I hope that there will be more adventures, but my mind's a bit blank at the moment! I think I need more sleep.

Fire Byrd said...

ooh you're out.... hurrah!
now you can start planning your next adventure.But perhaps tell us before you do it so we can be ready to rescue you at a moments notice!

Mean Mom said...

fire byrd - I think I shall have to lie low, for a little while. The last adventure was a bit too much, for me, I think!

A Mother's Place is in the Wrong said...

Another wonderful story, with all of us in fine feather! So pleased to have you back again. M xx

Mean Mom said...

a mother's place - Thanks so much. It's good to be back!

aims said...

Hurrah!! So glad my knight could be of help!

It's been too quiet while you have been locked up.

Mean Mom said...

aims - Yes, thanks for sending him! It does seem to have gone a bit quiet. I suppose it's because it's supposed to be summer and people are on holiday etc.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Once a Knight, always a Knight but once a night is enough! Baboom!

Yer as mad as ever woman, great tale though!

Liz said...

There's nothing like a knight for a good bunk-up. It puts your/my gardener in the shade of the coolibar tree I can tell you. I would write more but I am weary from debunking ...

Mean Mom said...

mob - The old ones are the best ones!

When did you suss me out?


liz - I was sorry to lose him!

Grit said...

did you manage to get your hands on any orbs and sceptres while you were being sprung?!

Mean Mom said...

grit - But, of course! Would you be interested in anything? Please see my ebay account, which I operate under the name of dodgydelia.

Dusty Spider said...

That was a close shave, lucky I waited with the boat eh! Now look. Don't get me wrong, but can we go back to the parties we used to have? All this swash buckling is getting a bit exhausting! Flick xx

Mean Mom said...

dusty spider - You're so right. I'm exhausted too, but fresh out of ideas for parties at the moment! I'll have to put my thinking cap on, but thanks for taking part in my rescue!

Mid-lifer said...

Hmm sounds like you've been busy my dear!

Thanks for allowing me one of your awards -I took sharing the luv...

Mean Mom said...

mid-lifer - It's a pleasure!

Frog in the Field said...

I've been shouting Rapunzel, throw down your hair for weeks!!

auntiegwen said...

Everything ok ? xx

Mean Mom said...

frog in the field and auntiegwen - Everything is OK, thanks! I've had a lot to do and putting a post together takes me days, even though you may never have guessed! Must try and gather my thoughts - they are going off in all directions at the moment.

Jules said...

So how are you and are you....... um........ posting again sometime this month? Or did the bad guys go and recapture you? Sometimes knights can be so not dependable at protecting the castle, especially if they get desperate emails from other maidens in need of rescuing.

blogthatmama said...

You sound on top form! blogthatmamax

Mean Mom said...

blogthatmama - Thanks! Sorry I've not posted for a while.

jules - Sorry about my long silence. I am feeling very guilty. I think I have a post forming in my mind, but it's maybe not a very happy one. It's that time of year and most of my knights have deserted me. This is the problem. Families have to grow up and leave home and mother's have to be sad, but pleased for them. It's very hard.

Debra in France said...

Thank goodness!! I shall cancel the protest march and the Freedom Concert. All those celebs that I booked can now have the weekend off.

Perhaps you could have a party to celebrate?! Debra x

Mignon said...

Miss you girl...Where have you been? Sending you good thoughts. Peace

Mean Mom said...

debra - Oh, that sounds like fun! A protest march and a freedom concert! I love to be the centre of attention. Is there any chance of getting the celebs back?

I have to apologise to you in advance for my next blog. It's not very partylike, I'm afraid!


mignon - Thanks for your kind comment. It means a lot to me, in my present state of mind.