Round Robins And Positive Spin

I generally receive only one round robin at Christmas time, now. I met the woman who sends it to me, on just a few occasions, and thought her quite pleasant. I was surprised when she began sending me round robins, after she moved abroad, with her husband and daughter. I was taken aback to discover how much of a snob she seemed to be and to realise how crucial it was to her, to convince a mere acquaintance, that she was enjoying an idyllic existence, since leaving Great Britain behind her.

This woman has never once admitted to being homesick, missing friends and relations, or to missing anything about Great Britain, since she left this country. I suspect that she considers modesty to be the eighth deadly sin, as her bragging has often taken my breath away. Apparently, her husband is a high earner, who seems to be promoted every year and she has a 'model' daughter. They are a family of high achievers. She achieves, where others fail. She never fails. They have lots of money and lots of holidays. They have lots of friends and only good things happen to her. She must be the mother of all positive spin.

Normally, my husband and I glance through her round robins, have a bit of a joke about them and toss them to one side, but, this time, I had a rather wicked thought. I was feeling a bit short of ideas for my blog and I realised that the round robin might provide some good material for a post. I have amused myself greatly by speculating about the true meaning, which could lie behind some of the boastful content and positive spin, contained in the round robin I received a few days ago. The boasting is rather low key, this year, compared to others, but I have listed some excerpts from it, in bold, below. Possible interpretations are in italics.

Hi - it's that time of year again, time for our annual missive - I can no longer be bothered to insert your names in my round robin, because, ultimately, it's all about me. I so look forward to this time of year, because it's very important to me to convince you, in my round robin, that my husband and I have far more money than you and I need you to know how much we enjoy finding different ways of spending it.

2008 has been a fairly quiet year for us - I'm fairly sure that we've spent more money on holidays this year, than you've earned.

My husband, Walter, has been promoted and is now Head of Internal Communication for ****** (all 66,000 + people) so he is spending time settling into his new role - My husband now has a different job, within his company and is earning more money, because he is in possession of some compromising photos of the CEO. Walter has upset so many clients that he is no longer allowed to communicate with anyone outside the company. He hasn't yet worked out what his new role entails.

We enjoyed having our daughter, Winifred, back with us, from university, last Christmas - After starting university in October 2007, our daughter had no desire to see us until Christmas and she only came then, because she didn't receive a better invitation.

In the week before Christmas, we travelled to **** with a group of friends (25 of us) - Winifred and I to ski, and Walter to walk. We enjoyed blue skies and sunshine the whole time. Winifred and I remained unscathed, but Walter hurt his knee whilst walking and it took him several weeks to recover - We can afford an expensive winter holiday, as well as paying for Christmas presents etc. I've counted my friends and I'm hoping that I have more than you. Walter didn't want to go skiing, but gave in to my demands, so that I could keep up with my friends and boast about it in my round robin. It never rains in my world. Nothing dreadful ever happens to me, or my daughter. We are lucky. My husband is unlucky, so he hurt his knee. It serves him right because he didn't want to go skiing and he didn't join in.

Winifred has been studying hard, but enjoying her time at university, whilst achieving good academic results. - Winifred is taking a degree in Snakes and Ladders and only has one lecture a fortnight.

The first year has seen a lot partying. She had a good time during her first year's stay in halls, as there was always something going on -Winifred drank a lot and slept around during her first year in halls.

This academic year, she has moved into a house with 7 other girls - I was impressed when I found out that my daughter had 7 friends. When she told me that they were girls, I believed her.

Once again, Winifred took advantage of her sailing skills, and got a summer job teaching sailing, spending the summer vacation in *****. This time she worked for a smaller company. She seemed to have a thoroughly enjoyable time - particularly when there weren't many guests and she could make use of the hotel facilities - My daughter can sail. I think that this will impress you, because I'm fairly certain that you don't even know anyone who can sail. She's not very good, so the company she worked for last year would not employ her again. The company she worked for this year didn't have many bookings and it was going under.

Unfortunately, this meant that we only saw her for a few days at the beginning of the summer, as we didn't manage to get out to ***** to see her, because it was the high season and all of the flights were full - Winifred was determined not to spend much time with us, during the summer. She got the sack from her summer job, but didn't tell us. She knew that we wouldn't be able to get a flight to ***** to visit her, during the high season and by the time we were trying to book, she was already partying in Majorca, with one of the Greek waiters.

In April, Walter and I had a late celebration of our 30th wedding anniversary, (the actual date was October 07) when we jetted off to ******. We had a wonderful relaxing time in the hotel, where nothing was too much trouble for the lovely staff, who all lived locally - My husband was trying to avoid spending too much money on our anniversary celebrations, but I refused to let the subject drop, until he took me somewhere exotic, so that I could boast about it in my next round robin. We took advantage of the local peasants, working in the hotel, who waited on us hand and foot, with gritted teeth and a forced smile, in the hope of receiving a big tip.

Given the heat, we spent much of the day lazing in the pool - It was too hot. There wasn't much to see or do.

The most memorable experience for me was being in the water with a pink dolphin - I was so bored that I got pissed and began to see pink dolphins.

I had to visit a shopping mall and, of course, chose the largest in ****** - Fortunately, I couldn't find much else to do, but shop. I had so much money to spend, that it would have been a waste of time going to a small shopping mall.

The standard of living was quite low. We visited a typical house, in the area and it was like stepping back in time about 50 years. I must say that I was glad to get back to our luxury hotel - I don't like to mix with poor people and I certainly don't like to visit their houses. In fact, I don't know why I did visit a poor person's house and neither does anyone else. It was such a relief to return to the real world and remember that I have lots of money.

Winifred will be heading our way in the middle of December, with a friend. She is then hoping that we will be going to ****, skiing again, before Christmas - Winifred can't bear the thought of being alone with us for Christmas.

In the 10 years we have been here, we have seen many changes. When we arrived, there were no such things as 'ready meals'. Now there is a fair selection of convenience foods - nothing like the UK, but certainly enough to make life easier! Many of the supermarkets are now open until 8pm, instead of closing at 5pm. I wonder what the next few years will bring and whether we will be here to see it - I found it impossible to manage without convenience food, when we first moved here. The opening times for the shops were totally inconvenient, for the first few years, but I never mentioned, previously, that I found some aspects of life difficult here, because it was essential to convince you poor people living in GB, that my life was perfect in every way. My husband may lose his job, in the next round of redundancies and we may have to return to the country of our birth, which we have mercilessly poured scorn upon, for the last few years.

Merry Christmas and a Prosperous and Happy 2009 - Try to have a good Christmas, and New Year, in spite of the fact that you have hardly any money and live in a country, which is on the verge of bankcruptcy.


I do hope that this woman doesn't blog! I'm not sure that she would appreciate my sense of humour! If you are the author of this round robin, however, please don't take it personally. It's just a joke - really, it is and don't be put off sending me your usual round robin next year, will you? I so look forward to it and, anyway, what will I blog about at this time of year, if you don't?