Wednesday, 13 May 2009

What Men Mean

Firstly, I would like to apologise for my absence. I have a lot of family problems at the moment - more than those I mentioned a couple of posts ago, unfortunately. I have been too preoccupied to comment and too distracted to put a post together, so I hope you will excuse me. Anyway........

There just had to be a follow up to 'Shock Poll Reveals What Women Mean' didn't there? Women are not alone in saying one thing, when they may mean another. Men can often be guilty of the same sort of thing. I've compiled a list of the most common things a man might say, in bold, along with what he might mean in italics. This post is tongue-in-cheek. Please don't take it too seriously. I won't be held responsible for any divorce proceedings instigated as a result of reading this post. ;0)

Before Marriage:

Would you like to go for a drink after work? I think you're really hot and I want to have sex with you, as soon as you'll agree to it.

Do you want to stay at my place this weekend? Do you want to bonk me stupid this weekend?

Shall we go on holiday together this year? Do you want to bonk me stupid for a fortnight?

Will you marry me?
Will you have regular sex with me, until I get fed up of you and find someone younger?

After marriage:

Is your headache better darling? Are you well enough to have sex, yet?

Do you want any help in the kitchen? If I help in the kitchen, can we have sex later?

Let's have a cuddle. Let's have sex.

Of course I'm listening. I haven't been listening.

No I'm not lost. I'm lost.

You're wrong. It's essential that I'm right, so you must be wrong.

I can do it. I can't do it, but I would rather not do it than let you show/tell me how to do it.

All the men at work fancy Lisa. All the men at work fancy Lisa, including me.

I could give up drinking if I wanted to. I can't get through the day without alcohol.

It's far too hot in this room. Aren't you hot? It's too hot in this room. If you're not hot, there's something wrong with you. There couldn't possibly be anything wrong with me.

I've cut the grass. It's spring and I've cut the grass, so that's my bit of gardening done until the autumn, when I'll cut it once more. If you think it needs cutting in between, you'll have to do it yourself.

I haven't got time to finish this job in the house today. I'll do the rest next week. I'm never going to finish this job. If you want it finished, you'll have to do it, or get someone in.

Do you think that this DIY job looks OK? I know that this DIY job looks awful, but will you let me off the hook, because I can't be bothered to do it any better?

Yes, that dress looks great! That dress doesn't look too good on you, but I hate shopping and I want to get home in time to watch the rugby on tv.

There's nothing wrong with a man hiring a Harley Davidson at the age of 58, when he hasn't been on a motorbike for 33 years. Help! I'm having a midlife crisis.

Have you seen my car keys/screwdriver/mobile/wallet/brain? You've tidied away my car keys/screwdriver/mobile/wallet/brain. It's lost forever, my life is in ruins and it's all your fault.

I would like to point out that this information has been gathered from other women's experiences, or from my own experiences in previous (failed!) relationships. My own dearest darling husband is, of course, guilty of none of the above. Well, maybe just the odd one here and there .........

Anything you'd like to add from your own observations?


Snowbrush said...

"Women are not alone in saying one thing, when they may mean another. Men can often be guilty of the same sort of thing."

Whoa, that hurts!

Rose said...

I could add one more: "Yes, dear," meaning, "Just be quiet so I can get back to watching the ballgame/reading the newspaper/daydreaming...." I'm pretty sure that is what my husband really means, because later he never remembers agreeing to whatever it was I asked.

It's good to have you back, but I'm sorry to hear that there are some family issues. I hope that all will improve soon; I'll keep you in my thoughts.

The Gossamer Woman said...

I'm paying close attention to everything you say, my eyes only look glazed over.

scrappysue said...

that pretty much covers it!!! thanks for stopping by

Maggie May said...

Welcome back. I really missed you & kept checking your blog in case the google thingummy wasn't working!
Sorry to hear the many problems that you are going through.
I find that all mine appear at the same time & give me great grief! Then I get spells where everything is tickety boo! Hope one of these spells soon appears for you.

As regards the latest post! Seems men only have
one thing on their minds, men! Sex!

I think you pretty much covered things!

Word Ver. Arces!

Mean Mom said...

Snowbrush - Sorry! Hope you're joking and not offended. Just having a bit of a laugh!

Rose - Oh, yes. I know that one. The monosyllabic reply. They often dislike talking, it seems, and particularly about important stuff, like feelings. Makes them feel exposed, maybe.

Thanks for your concern. I'm just muddling through, as usual.

The Gossamer Woman - I'm glad that you've not forsaken me, after my absence!

scrappysue - I think that I could have gone on a bit more, you know! It was a pleasure!

Maggie - Thanks! I could really do with a tickety boo spell.

I think it's fair to say that a lot of men are programmed to ensure that the human race goes on forever and although I'm not letting them off the hook, completely - sometimes, there's not much they can do about it! We still have our primitive instincts in this modern society.

Arces! Lol! Brilliant!

Frankofile said...

I'm sorry = "We both know you're wrong/making a drama out of nothing. But you've driven me into a corner and as a last resort here's the magic spell that gets me in your good books again. [ed: No, I'd never say 'knickers'.] I'm crossing my fingers behind my back though. If you don't say sorry back, I really definitely don't mean it."

Mean Mom said...

Frankofile - Lol! Yes, of course! I have experienced that one first hand. 'I'm not at fault, but I'm saying sorry to make you happy.' etc Good one!

Jennysmith said...

Your observations are as spot-on and sharp as ever. Have so missed you xxxxxx

Mean Mom said...

Jen - Thanks! I've missed you too - and everyone else, of course!

Granny on the Web said...

Wondered where you were hiding, thought maybe a wonderful holiday was being enjoyed. Sorry to hear it was other issues.
As for the 'what men really mean' I think they are all very apt. Someone somewhere... a man.. has compiled a list of what women really mean.
Love Granny

Working mum said...

Is it bad that I recognise most of those after only 16 years of marriage?

(PS Hope things are improving in your private life; I have missed your wickedly funny posts!)

Mean Mom said...

Granny - No holiday, unfortunately!! I've just been hiding under the table sobbing. ;0)

I did the bit about 'What Women Mean' back in Jan. I thought that it was about time I evened things up!

Working Mum - No, I think the scales fell from my eyes at about the same time really. I sometimes imagine how annoying it must be for the woman, who divorces her husband due to any of the stuff I've mentioned in my post, only to discover that, after her second husband has gone through the 'eager to please' stage, he turns out to be much the same as the first! I am wicked aren't I? You're right of course. I feel that I can be wicked because I write under a pseudonym. ;0) Still have problems, unfortunately!

Deanna said...

I'm sorry to hear of all your problems. Here's to hoping all things good will come your way soon.

Men definitely often say one thing and mean another... women are not alone in that category.

Suburbia said...

I find the best part is when they're quiet!!!!

Have missed you. Hope things will get better soon.


The Vintage Kitten said...

You came back with another great post that made me chuckle. Hope things are better for you soon X

Mean Mom said...

Deanna - Thanks! It's probably a good thing that we don't always say what we mean, in some ways!

Suburbia - I know what you mean. Sometimes it's best not to fret too much about what they're thinking. It's best not to know. I've missed you too!

Vintage - Glad I've raised a smile and thanks for your good wishes!

Grumpy Old Ken said...

I would like to say everything you say re men is untrue. I would like to say it but it would'nt be true!
Smashing post. No other men readers?

Mean Mom said...

Grumpy - This post has been forming in my mind, since I did 'What Women Mean', but I was a bit unsure about publishing it, to be honest. I'm relieved that you've taken it in the spirit in which it was meant! I would probably feel a bit better if you had refuted at least some of it, though. Now you've really set me wondering!! ;0)

I think that you are a very brave man to visit my blog. Here is an interesting fact: When I published my St Valentine's Day post, with the photo of the sexy lady, which would have appeared in people's Blog Lists, my sitemeter went berserk. I couldn't tell whether the extra visitors were male of female, of course, but it did set me thinking! ;0)

scrappysue said...

hang in there MM!!!

scrappysue said...

so funny! i hope the family dramas calm themselves soon, and that you're ok!