Has anyone wished you a 'Merry Christmas', yet? Can I be the first, then?
I love Christmas, especially when it starts in September. I get so excited that I have to wear my Tenna pants day and night. Only 36 shopping days to Christmas, you know!
Have you written your Christmas cards, yet, or wrapped your presents, bought your Christmas candles, put up your Christmas tree and iced your Christmas cake? Have you slipped off the roof, yet, whilst putting up your illuminated santa and sleigh? It's worth a couple of days in hospital, though, isn't it, when you see the delight on the children's faces?
I buy my Christmas cards in the January sales and some of my Christmas presents, too. I've always got some of my presents wrapped and all of my cards written by the end of January. Have I ever mentioned that I have a Btech in one-upmanship? Anything you can start, I can start earlier.
The limit on my husband's credit card is so high, this year, that I can hardly believe my luck. I bought the remainder of my Christmas presents last month and I'm so pleased, because the post office didn't have to send a special van to deliver the Barclaycard statement, this time. It was only 999 pages long and I think we actually might manage to pay it off by September next year. That'll be a whole month earlier than this year!
I have to confess that I do have a few little gripes concerning Christmas, however:
1. I wish the Christmas stuff would appear earlier in the shops. September just isn't early enough. Perhaps it could appear in February, next year. You can never have too much of a good thing, in my opinion.
2. I haven't had a Christmas card, yet, this year! Mine had all been delivered by the end of August. Come on, everybody! What are you all doing? It is the middle of November!
3. I never get enough of those Christmas catalogues, do you? Could someone send me a few more? Preferably the same ones that I already have, but with a different cover. I can still open the front door, so I know that I don't have anywhere near enough, so far.
4. I never get enough round robins either. I always look forward to hearing about how well near strangers are doing, since they emigrated to paradise, where it rains gold coins and you can safely walk in the streets after dark. It fair warms the cockles of my heart to learn that mere acquaintances have been 'lucky enough' to finally move into the small mansion of their dreams and that their darling offspring have achieved straight 'A's in subjects that they weren't even studying. Could we perhaps have round robins at Easter, as well as Christmas? I think that I could probably just about cope with the extra joy that this would bring.
5. Finally, I'm quite disturbed to see that there are nowhere near enough tins of chocolate biscuits and Christmas sweets in the shops. I fear that there simply won't be enough to go round and that some of us will still have teeth without fillings at the end of January.
You'll be pleased to know that I've looked through all of the Christmas catalogues and compiled an enormous list of things I can no longer live without. The most important ones are:
5. a drooly bib
Whichever present you decide on, could you please wrap it in expensive Christmas wrapping paper, with lots of sellotape, as those Christmas gift bags are a bit of a cop out, aren't they, really?
Anyway, must be off. Can't hang around talking to you lot forever. I'm just off to Somerfield to take advantage of their BOGOF offer on port. Two bottles for £9.99! That's one for each hand by my reckoning. I aim to save them for Christmas day and, by the time the Queen's speech comes on, I should have slipped silently under the table, with a bit of luck. I suppose that I'll probably be discovered on Boxing day, when everyone's looking for somebody to make the turkey sandwiches and hand round the pickled onions.
Now, as soon as I get back from the supermarket, I'm going to stuff the turkey and put the sprouts on. Did I mention that I've got a Btech in one-upmanship? Oh, I already did, did I?
Santa - if you're reading this, is there any chance of having a Pocket Surfer 2 for Christmas? I (really, really do) Want One Of Those!
Christmas lovers, please don't take offence at the above. It's all tongue in cheek. I do enjoy (most aspects of) Christmas - no really!